Why in the world was "actual pirates in the San Francisco Bay" not on my 2023 Bingo card? Like, I should've known.

I love that headline so much I almost stole it. It reads almost like a Bee headline, doesn't it? And it really makes me wonder who's running the simulation. But yes, there are actual criminals now using boats to commit crimes on the San Francisco Bay.

Let's take a look at what's going on with these pirates:

This past summer, a spree of robberies plagued the 800-foot-wide [Oakland/Alameda Estuary] involving stolen motor boats that were used to prey on larger vessels and marinas.

In one instance, thieves made off with three inflatable dinghies from an Alameda yacht club. Burglars hit at least four other Bay Area yacht clubs, a sailing center, and several owners living on their boats …

"It's just homeless people living on boats. For some reason, nobody wants to deal with it. The [Oakland] police say it's Alameda's issue. The Alameda police say it's the [Oakland] side of the estuary."

Authorities on why they aren't enforcing the law:

Seriously, what is going on in the Bay Area? They've got literal pirates in the bay. It's like an SNL skit if SNL was funny. But this would've-been satire is actually a reality in San Francisco, where crime is just off the chart in the first place.

More from the story:

"These people are just common criminals," living on illegal "anchor-off" vessels committing robberies within the San Francisco Bay, [former harbormaster of Oakland Brock De Lappe] said. Anchor-offs, or anchor outs, are boats that are illegally anchored without a permit ...

Outboard Motor Shop owner Craig Jacobsen said thieves struck two of his boats at his business in Oakland and made off with thousands of dollars in parts and electronics.

"We recovered it at the same [anchor-off] flotilla. I know of about 20 [boats] stolen," Mr. Jacobsen told The Epoch Times. "They've all been found in the same place."

"For a couple of months, it was serious. We got calls every day about people having their boats stolen. They'd go into the marinas at night, take the small inflatables and stuff, and take them over to their homeless encampment," he said.

They're literally doing the same thing with boats as they have been doing with Kias — stealing them and then using them to commit other crimes. Then they just dump the vessels wherever they please, or simply use the boat as their home.

So we've got poop on the streets, crime at record highs, homelessness off the charts, and now pirates — we have literal pirates in the San Francisco Bay.

Seriously, it's time to get out of these big cities, especially in California.

It's almost as if they're incentivizing crime by not policing it. And if they do police it, you get let off easy right back on the streets to strike again. And if the streets are too tough on you, well, why not become a pirate?

This should've been a Bee headline, but I guess 2023 just stole it from them!

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