Have you given any donations recently to your local Canadian conservation fund or apiary foundation? Yeah you might want to consider dropping a few bucks on those just to cultivate some goodwill. Up first, out of the Canadian hinterlands:
With their long, sharp claws and frightening speed, few predators in Canada's wild hinterlands attack as mercilessly as a hungry grizzly bear.
But in a rare turn of events, park officials say a mountain goat not only defended itself from becoming a meal, but was able to kill the attacking bear with its "dagger-like" horns.
Parks Canada said the recent forensic necropsy of a female grizzly bear suggests she was killed by a goat, after the horns pierced the bear's armpits and neck.
That is one hardcore goat. Here's a good question: Have the goats been fooling us this whole time? Are they actually extremely capable assassins? This is vital information for anyone venturing near the border of Canada.
Next up, in South Africa:
A swarm of bees has killed 63 endangered African penguins on a beach outside Cape Town, the Southern African Foundation for the Conservation of Coastal Birds said on Sunday.
"After tests, we found bee stings around the penguins' eyes," said the foundation's David Roberts, a clinical veterinarian.
"This is a very rare occurrence. We do not expect it to happen often, it's a fluke," he told AFP by telephone, adding that dead bees were also found at the scene.
Yeah that's deeply unsettling. Normally, "penguins live in South Africa" would be the weirdest part of any story, but there's some sort of incomprehensible animal revolution going on now so it's not actually the craziest piece of information here.
Anyway, long story short, don't go hiking on any mountains in the Yukon and stay away from the Cape Town beaches for a while.
P.S. Now check out our latest video: "The Media's Constant Lies Are Fueling This Chaos" 👇