In your part of the country, local officials may be struggling with some pretty momentous problems: The labor crisis, inflation, crumbling public infrastructure, you name it. But in Seattle, they're tackling the stuff that really matters:

The school delivered the ghoulish news in an October 8 newsletter to parents.

"As a school with foundational beliefs around equity for our students and families, we are moving away from our traditional ‘Pumpkin Parade' event and requesting that students do not come to school in costumes," the newsletter reads.

"Halloween events create a situation where some students must be excluded for their beliefs, financial status, or life experience. Costume parties often become an uncomfortable event for many children, and they distract students and staff from learning. Large events create changes in schedules with loud noise levels and crowds. Some students experience over stimulation, while others must deal with complex feelings of exclusion. It's uncomfortable and upsetting for kids."

I'm sorry but, uh...what?

If Halloween—Halloween!—has to be cancelled because it "creates a situation where some students must be excluded," then shouldn't any event—literally any event, about anything—also be cancelled?

Like, can you think of a single festivity or celebration or function that wouldn't include at least somebody due to their "beliefs, financial status, or life experience?" If those are the criteria by which we're bringing an end to public celebrations, then surely no celebrations can be allowed, right?

Heck, in that vein, maybe they should just cancel school altogether! Any objections? I didn't think so!

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