Bears are majestic creatures. They are seemingly simple creatures, roaming the forests in search of berries, fish, honey, and the occasional hiker. They are symbols of innocence and cuteness, but also for political resistance.
(Isn't the resemblance uncanny???)
Bears are also exceedingly intelligent. Some might even think they are dumbing down their lethal abilities, waiting until the time is right to crush man beneath their paws and rule the world.
A glimpse of such ursine intelligence was seen last week in North Carolina, where two bears have recently declared their support for the President with "Trump 2020" stickers on their collars.
Not everyone was happy about the revelation that even bears are concerned about a socialist takeover of America and the prospect of having a senile septuagenarian as Commander-In-Chief. Convinced the bears couldn't possibly want Orange Man Bad for a second term, a local animal rights group offered a $5,000 reward for any information on collaborators who may have helped the bears don these stickers. The group, calling itself "Help Asheville Bears" immediately posted their call to action on Facebook:
Supporters also commented on the bear's radio collar, which is reportedly from a study being conducted by North Carolina State University (a meager attempt to understand our future ursine overlords, no doubt).
Apparently, the man who colluded with the bears was caught thanks to the good work of tattletale neighbors. Although it wasn't a crime, the individual has "promised not to have any contact with any bears in the future." The individual stated that they placed the sticker to draw attention to the collars, which they see as inhumane.
The Good Samaritan who snitched on this individual also reportedly turned down the $5,000 reward.
Now that the dust has settled, the bears can get back to voting for conservative candidates (and plotting world domination), and the city of Asheville can get back to the Woke Games by offering racial reparations for individuals in the freest country the world has ever seen.
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