The climate changed last week, due to climate change. Unfortunately, we are now stuck in an infinite loop of climate change that can only be fixed by electing Democrats, paying ten cents for plastic bags, and giving people who walk across our borders housing vouchers and totally not for voting ID cards. Kamala recommends all those affected by hurricane Helene just fly to Mexico and walk across the border for assistance. Trump recommends donating money to organizations on the ground already helping people, which has an added bonus of being tax deductible since you probably pay too much in taxes anyway. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Feds Indict Mayor Adams For Accepting Bribes Without Giving Ten Percent To The 'Big Guy' @dontslowtheearth
Democrats Launch ‘Uber Votes' Where Someone Fills Out Your Ballot And Delivers It For You @showquest
Wife Swoons As Husband Opens Another Pickle Jar @kirgol
Chinese Zoo Introduces Another Rare Breed Of Panda Strangely Attracted To Trash @anythingelse
Federal Government Refills Strategic Oil Reserves From P. Diddy's Home @twoplus2ischicken
Biden Correctly Guesses Every Shampoo Used By The View @alola_rychu
Wife Uses Jaws Of Life To Extract Sleeping Husband From Recliner @drconservativeprof
Man Who Received Two Ballots Thinks Twice About Voting @gfanson
Harris Visits Border To Give That Idiot Border Czar A Piece Of Her Mind @disidente_redactico
Fed Up With Politics, Jill Biden And Doug Emhoff Fly Off To Paris For Romantic Fling @dorli
Democrats Say Democracy Is Just Too Important This Year To Let The People Decide @baberahamlincoln
Pure Genius Or Dumb Luck? Newbie Husband Loads Dishwasher With Palmolive Dish Soap And Is Told Never To Touch This Appliance Again @njhokie84
Teen Girl Driving Car Finally Feels Like A Woman After Hitting The Curb @reckless4life
Trump Says Helene Would Have Never Targeted U.S. During His Administration @realmccoy
Adams Says The Only Thing He's Guilty Of Is Thinking Democrats Don't Have To Pay For Their Crimes @priehle
VP Harris Tells LGBTQ+ Audience Her Ancestral Roots Trace Back To Sodom & Gomorrah @eversong
Local Man Makes Up For His Tone-deafness With Extra Volume During The Hymn At Church @fishythepenguin
Eric Adams Charged With Noticing The Border Crisis @concernedleftist
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Pandemonium Erupts At Grade School Volleyball Games As Ball Almost Goes Over The Net @unclecrumpty
Students In Christian School's Health And Development Class Excited To Learn About Side Hugs This Week @twoplus2ischicken
Methuselah Complains 883 Year Old Son Hasn't Moved Out Of House Yet @davel
Gen Z Assures Nation They Will Absolutely SLAY If World War III Is A GIF War @skol
Libertarians Disappointed As Nation Without A President Has Not Yet Become Utopia @chestertonsfence
Rookie Wife Makes Dinner Reservations The Same Night As One Of The 162 Regular Season Baseball Games @fishythepenguin
Biden Administration Deploys Federal Emergency Teams To Lecture Flood Victims About Climate Change @jg67
Uh-Oh: San Francisco Down To Just 15 Righteous People @jbaker
Sad: Court Rejects Tupperware Bankruptcy Petition Because Coversheet Was The Wrong Size @webidtheefarewell
Pennsylvania Mother Grateful For Trump's $100 To Cover Her Gallon Of Milk @ruthiej714
Illegal Deepfake Shows California As Clean, Safe, And Well-Governed @showquest
Local Man Invents Time Travel Just To Fix His Fantasy Football Lineup @drconservativeprof
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Had Enough: Mayor Eric Adams Switches Party Affiliation To Republican, Endorses Trump @ekole
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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