Bee Forum News: Wild Week Tamed By Mothers
· May 13, 2024 ·

Mothers are always making everything better, which was never more true than last week as the nation paused from drug-induced commencement speeches, dark and Stormy trial testimony, brain worms, and of course, more incredibly reasonable and effective protests to honor those we have the privilege of calling ‘Mom.' And as an added bonus, God celebrated Mother's Day weekend with a fabulous nighttime light show for much of the US. In this day of scientific confusion over what a woman is and feelings not caring about your facts, it seems people are still able to intuitively know and love their mothers, uniting us all for one blessed day. (Full disclosure: this report may or may not have been written by a mother.)

And other mostly peaceful stuff happened this week too! Read on for exclusive headlines that you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.

Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:

  • Embarrassed College Student Finally Returns To Class After Dad Shows Up To Join In On The Protest @kirgol
  • Dad Taking Kids To Park Hopes For Just One Day Of Trans Invisibility @dontslowtheearth
  • Boomer Conveniently Signals Turn Three Miles In Advance @drconservativeprof
  • Rashida Tlaib Stuns At Met Gala In ‘Kill The Jews' Dress @showquest
  • DC Judge Orders Trump Sawed In Half So He Can Attend Two Show Trials At Once @disidente_redactico
  • UCLA Daycare Encampment Reaches Day Four As Toddlers Demand Divestment From Broccoli @stankystankowicz
  • ‘Well I Guess I'm Gay Now' Reports Local Man After Buying Battery Powered Lawnmower @webidtheefarewell
  • AOC Gala Gown Just Says ‘Kick Me' This Year @ruthiej714
  • Mother Still Cleaning Up After Family Made Her Breakfast For Mother's Day @yantelope
  • Mark Hamill To Undergo More Training After His Attempted Jedi Mind Trick Fails Spectacularly @molivson
  • Homeschooled Child At The Park Confused Why None Of The Kids In The Sandbox Want To Discuss Their Quantum Physics Homework @fishythepenguin
  • Your Wife Really Isn't Mad You Accidentally Reserved A Tee Time On Mother's Day. No Really. It's Fine. @priehle
  • Trump Wished His Affair Had Been Recorded In Epstein's Black Book So The FBI Would Cover It Up @baberahamlincoln
  • Hunger Strike For Hamas Crumbles When Countered By Bake Sale For Israel @buzzyboy
  • Biden's Handlers Threaten To Hold Off On Ice Cream Supply If He Sneaks Back Into Briefing Room @realmccoy
  • Move Over Bud Light! Scouting America Hires Dylan Mulvaney As Spokesperson @genxambassador

Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:

  • Glad I'm Not One Of Those Crazy Right-Wing Gun Nuts Says Liberal As He Loads His Byrna AR-15 @jamesbarrow
  • Dr. Obamasky Declares Biden Fit For Another Term @jr365
  • Report: Flannel Graph Sets In Heaven Will Not Have Any Missing Pieces @israel
  • Wife Clarifies That Running Over Curbs Is Only 3% Of What She Does @drconservativeprof
  • Case Dismissed After Trump Unable To Fit Into Satin Pajamas Allegedly Worn The Night In Question @dontslowtheearth
  • In Legal Hail Mary, Alec Baldwin Calls Stormy Daniels To Testify At ‘Rust' Shooting Indictment Hearing @jb280
  • Pro-Hamas Protesters At Clown School Hauled Off In One Police Car @1horsepony
  • Biden Anxious To Hear What He Will Say Next @genxambassador
  • Wife Getting A Little Tired Of The ‘Worm In My Brain' Excuse @priehle
  • ‘Love Your Mother' Now Officially The Only Thing Everyone Agrees On @showquest

@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:

  • Biden's Nose Looks Noticeably Longer After CNN Interview About The Economy @cooldaddywaggy

Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!

Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico

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