Future Emperor Joe Biden has chosen his picks for vice chairs of the DNC, nominating Her Royal Majesty Queen Gretchen Whitmer to fill one of the positions.
Biden also nominated Sen. Tammy Duckworth (IL) and Rep. Filemon Vela Jr. (TX) to serve as vice chairs, although it is uncertain if these individuals will be able to survive as partners of the Ice Queen (May She Live Forever) and her wrath.
Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms – who totally didn't stoke racial tensions all year and totally isn't the leader of the city where a certain Fulton County stadium had a water main burst or where other "coincidences" happened on election day – was nominated to serve as vice chair of "civic engagement and voter protection."
I suppose that still makes more sense than a mayor of Indiana who was shamed for not fixing potholes being chosen to oversee all transportation in America!
The wonderful folks at MLive were sure to note that Queen Whitmer "has risen in national popularity over the past year," even as her own subjects remain shuttered, isolated, and foreclosed. This writer totally didn't break the Queen's edicts last week by eating in a restaurant or going to church without a mask, that's for sure!
The Queen thanked Biden by tying him to a tree, as is her custom.
She then mounted her polar-bear chariot for her favorite pastime: hunting down anyone who might be dining outside their house and turning them into statues for her castle courtyard.
