The bomb squad was called to Gloucestershire Royal Hospital on Thursday (December 2), after a patient was admitted with a mortar shell stuck in his rectum.

Troops from 11 Explosive Ordnance Disposal Regiment rushed to the Gloucester hospital after being notified by police "that a patient had presented with a munition in his rectum."

"A MUNITION IN HIS RECTUM."

Let me just reiterate: 😭 😭 😭

The man was a military enthusiast who found the shell while clearing out, but somehow "tripped" and fell onto the 57mm piece of army ordnance that landed him in hospital, according to The Sun.

YEAH OK BUDDY. WE ALL BELIEVE YOU, SURE.

The 57mm mortar round was used by the Royal Artillery in the Second World War as anti-tank rounds, though it would later also be used by British tanks in North Africa.

These rounds measure at 57mm in diameter and an eye-watering 170mm in length.

I'm so sorry to wreck your morning but there's a pic of it...

😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

A source told The Sun: "The guy said he found the shell when he was having a clear out of his stuff.

"He said he put it on the floor then he slipped and fell on it — and it went up his a***."

Oh my goodness what is wrong with people.

I don't know whether I feel sorry for this bloke or think he should be imprisoned.