Our benevolent overseers in the People's Republic of California have issued requirements for gatherings and they are hilarious! Or, at least they would be, if these insane people weren't actually in charge of the Golden State.

...Naw, it's still funny.

Here are some highlights:

Gatherings may include no more than 3 households, including your own.

"...Then, shalt thou count to three households. No more. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, and five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then must thou no more inviteth households into thy gathering."

-The Sacred and Unquestionable Edicts of St. Newsom

For those of us who come from large families, I guess this is the year we finally find out who Mom and Dad's favorites really are!

The host must collect names and contact info of all attendees.

But don't worry, the Gestapo will be very trustworthy with this information, and not at all refer back to it when they create internment camps for the non-mask-wearers.

Gatherings must be held outside.

"Sorry grandma, I know it's snowing on Christmas Day, but Gavin Newsom says you have to stay outside in subzero temperatures so that you don't catch the COVID!"

...But you can go in to use the restroom (as long as it's regularly sanitized)!

How kind of our benevolent leaders to allow the use of our own restrooms for our own purposes!

As much as possible, any food or beverages at outdoor gatherings must be in single-serve disposable containers.

Cause nothing says "Family Thanksgiving" like a Lean Cuisine meal!

"Mmmm! The sweet taste of oppression!"

Strangely, there were no guidelines on whether ambrosia is a salad or a dessert.

Of course, social distance and wear a mask.

But don't worry... Out of the kindness of his heart, King Newsom will allow you to remove the mask in order to take a bite or use your inhaler.

Gatherings should be two hours or less.

"Sorry Aunt Marge, I know you drove 3 hours to get here and you're only halfway done with your pre-packaged sweet potato casserole, but rules are rules... Hit the road!"

"Thanksgiving is OVER!"

...and here's my personal favorite:

Singing, chanting, and shouting are strongly discouraged!

No shouting this year? Guess you'd better not invite any of your lefty family members (just kidding, we all know they're hiding in their boarded-up apartment bathroom, wearing hazmat suits and taking sanitizer baths every five minutes)!

...But if you do sing or chant, do it below your regular speaking volume... and with a mask on!

Honestly, if you have some terrible singers in your family, this might not be such a terrible idea anyway.

Remember, proletariat: Do your duty, report your friends and neighbors, and obey The State!