The Babylon Bee might just close up shop after his one.
This was published on the CBC's website and I ... I just don't know what to say about it.
The sun monster has doomed us all! Apes most affected!
Not only do great apes have to worry about climate change, but this will stick with them for generations to come.
At least, according to very real scientists:
'When you have really large groups, it potentially cuts off individuals from other individuals that they might know,' explained Ammie Kalan, a primatologist at the University of Victoria. She says this isolation breaks down the social networks of these apes, and that the longer these extreme climate events last, the worse the damage to the animals.
'It suggests generational trauma that's going to happen to these ape populations,' Kalan told CBC News. She said the deaths of older members can affect the entire group's resilience.
Or, hear me out, they're apes and so they have no clue what you're talking about with global warming and climate change.
Generational trauma is the idea that bad experiences can be passed down genetically through generations. Even in humans, this is fringe pseudoscience. But now they've moved from trying to use generational trauma to explain why black people need billions in reparations for slavery hundreds of years ago ... to arguing your gas car is going to make a gorilla's future offspring slightly depressed.
I'd argue that climate policies (which are being pushed for in articles like this) are going to make energy really expensive, so people will burn whatever they can find to stay warm and shoot whatever they can to not starve (like gorillas) ... and that this will cause MANY more gorillas to die prematurely than any other possible scenario.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
When you're woke, you can't resist the urge to tie all the modern gender and sex nonsense into a story about the loss of habitat for apes.
Bella Lam, CEO of the Jane Goodall Institute of Canada, says any solutions need to consider what's pushing communities to encroach on ape habitats.
'You cannot protect chimpanzees without looking at ... the same drivers impacting poverty, impacting food insecurity, gender equality,' Lam said. 'All these things that impact the development of the communities sharing, really, the same ecological space.'
We can't protect the chimps without protecting gender equality!
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
