Since Taro Gomi first published his children's book in 1977, we all know that Everyone Poops. So don't get all uptight that I'm writing an article about pooping. Okay?
But what Gomi forgot to mention was that people like to sit and look at their phones for 30 minutes while pooping.
Some of you are probably reading this article at work right now while you're pooping.
Gross.
Employees spending too much time in the restroom is apparently a huge problem for employers and other employees that all want to look at their phones while they poop too, but they're stuck in a line outside the stall door because the author of this article doesn't know how to write a sentence with any sort of brevity, whilst still making his point that you should have stopped reading ten minutes ago in consideration of your company's time, your boss's patience, and that undercooked egg Bill in accounting shouldn't have eaten this morning.
Well, worry no longer.
Behold, the Slanty. A new toilet designed to get you off the toilet in under five minutes.
They claim that not only will the Slanty make workers more productive, but it will also be more sanitary and cut down on health issues like hemorrhoids, which can develop from sitting on the pot too long.
It works by slanting the toilet at a 13 degree angle, making you essentially do a wall sit: an exercise where you press your back against the wall and bend your legs as if sitting on an invisible stool. It doesn't take long before your thighs are on fire.
I make my kids do them as an alternative to standing in the corner when they're bad.
You've never met a more well-behaved pair of children, and their leg muscles are huge!!!
And if you're forced to use your thigh muscles to hold you up while you poop, well, you're not going to sit there long. Just get your business done, and get out.
It's a brilliant idea for the most part.
However, poor Bill with his undercooked egg is going to have a devil of time. Salmonella doesn't care about how much your thighs hurt.
You're not leaving the Slanty shanty until it says you are.
