China lays out plans for literally blowing Elon Musk’s Starlink satellites out of the skies.
· Mar 12, 2023 ·

Last year, Elon Musk let the Ukrainians use Starlink in their fight against Russia.

But in February of this year, he shut down some of the functionality of the satellites for Ukraine, saying that he was not going to "enable escalation of conflict that may lead to WW3."

Still, the die had been cast, and China was watching. Musk's growing satellite network could be used militarily, so they see it as a threat.

Here's an animation of what the Starlink satellite network looks like now to visualize what China is up against:

Professor Xu Can with the People's Liberation Army published a paper outlining the communist nation's plans for destroying Elon Musk's Starlink.

According to the plans, China intends to do the following:

  • Launch 13,000 low-orbiting satellites that will broadcast global Internet and "suppress" Starlink's broadcast. I assume that means we'll all only see what the Chinese government wants us to see.
  • Arm those satellites with anti-Starlink payloads. Nothing could go wrong there.
  • Develop lasers and microwave weapons that can be used to destroy Starlink satellites "that pass over China or other sensitive regions."
  • And considering all the other plans, this one is by far the best: Demand that Elon Musk publish a catalogue of the exact location of every Starlink satellite.

I'm sure Elon will get right on that.

If you ask me, the Chinese are going about this all wrong.

We all know that cats are the single greatest threat to Starlink.

It would be cheaper and way more effective to enlist the armies of Chairman Meow for the Starlink war.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the Internet is telling me to leave several cans of open tuna on the front porch.

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