Cambridge says classical music is "imperialist" now. So please enjoy this beautiful suite of some of the best imperialist arrangements in the Western canon.

May 12th

This is really quite unsurprising (though that doesn't make it any less stupid):

A course at University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom is urging students to look at classical music through a post-colonial lens...

The Telegraph reported, Cambridge recently rolled out a new course titled "Decolonizing the Ear," which aims to teach students how to engage with music through various academic frameworks, largely those related to power dynamics.

One such topic in the course is analyzing how classical music might have been "complicit ... in projects of Empire and neoliberal systems of power."

Oh yeah, yeah, "neoliberal systems of power." I've always thought about that whenever I've listened to classical music.

Well anyway, before they get around to cancelling Mozart and firing everyone who defends him, enjoy here a small selection of some of the best pieces the imperialist catalogue has to offer!

"Raindrop," or Prelude Op. 28, No. 15 by Chopin

A beautiful tour through the highs and lows of introspection and inner turmoil. In the true style of a bona fide Romantic artist, Chopin reportedly wrote this composition after dreaming of himself drowned in a lake.

"Overture," The Marriage of Figaro K.492 by Mozart

One of the most well-known compositions in history, this is usually an accompaniment score to movie scenes involving food fights or mad dashes through city streets. Overuse notwithstanding, it is worth listening to on its own to fully appreciate its arresting, frenetic beauty.

Prelude No. 3, by Villa-Lobos

Like a true South American heartthrob, Villa-Lobos wrote this composition for his wife. Well, it wasn't actually his wife—it was the woman he left his wife for (though he never married her). So in addition to being one of the great masters of classical music, Villa-Lobos was also a walking, talking Brazilian telenovela.

Pavane in F-sharp minor, Op. 50 by Fauré

Allow yourself to be carried away by that beautiful, understated flute and the string textures so palpable you can almost feel them.

This is, of course, just a minuscule selection of the great classical works of the ages. Too bad they are officially imperialist now. Guess we have to burn and delete them all!

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