So, it looks like someone went into a zoo and released six zebras, setting them loose into a suburb of Washington, DC...
...and DC Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton wants you to know that it wasn't her.
In what is maybe the most hilarious denial of all time, Congresswoman Norton officially released this statement on the US House of Representatives website in which she lays out her alibi for not releasing the zebras.
"Local news has reported that the zebras were let loose on Saturday or Sunday of last weekend, a period of time during which I was enjoying quiet time at home with family... My alibi is solid...
I... I don't know if Mrs. Norton knows what a solid alibi looks like, but this isn't it. "I was at home" is like the least solid alibi ever.
But the denial goes on, and this is where it becomes absolutely hilarious.
...given my career of fighting for statehood for the District, which includes years of explaining the importance of having consent of the governed, and given my recent opposition to fences, I can understand why the charge was made.
Wait. Wait. Tap the brakes.
So, in other words, she's saying "this sure sounds like something I'd do, but I promise you, it wasn't me."
Yeah. That sure sounds like something a zebra emancipator would say.
She literally takes the opportunity to connect this bizarre story symbolically with her own politics, but she has nothing to do with it.
I don't want to get us in trouble, I'm not saying Congresswoman Norton released these zebras. All I'm saying is she certainly is denying this very adamantly for someone who's innocent, and those zebras didn't release themselves.
Let's go to Twitter and check out the reception the statement is getting:
Yeah, obviously nobody believes her. But do you really think a member of Congress would ever do something this ridiculous?
Don't answer that question.
But you know what, while we're at it, I too would like to deny responsibility for setting six zebras loose in the suburbs of Washington, DC. And I also have a strong alibi, so don't even bother checking into it.
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