You guys are never going to believe this, but climate change disproportionally impacts same-sex couples. I read about it at the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Law and Public Policy, a research institute at the UCLA School of Law.

I'm not making this up.

Yes, the climate is homophobic now, and so are you if you don't rinse out that soda can and put it in the recycling.

A new report by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law finds that same-sex couples are at greater risk of experiencing the adverse effects of climate change compared to different-sex couples. LGBT people in same-sex couple households disproportionately live in coastal areas and cities and areas with poorer infrastructure and less access to resources, making them more vulnerable to climate hazards.

Remember when Alex Jones said they're putting chemicals in the water that are turning the frogs gay? Makes you wonder what these coastal areas and cities are putting in the water to cause this global warming homosexuality …

Moving on, cuz this gets better.

Using U.S. Census data and climate risk assessment data from NASA and the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), researchers conducted a geographic analysis to assess the climate risk impacting same-sex couples. NASA's risk assessment focuses on changes to meteorological patterns, infrastructure and built environment, and the presence of at-risk populations. FEMA's assessment focuses on changes in the occurrence of severe weather events, accounting for at-risk populations, the availability of services, and access to resources.

Results show counties with a higher proportion of same-sex couples are, on average, at increased risk from environmental, infrastructure, and social vulnerabilities due to climate change.

Bro, they took this way too seriously!

Like, they used data from NASA and FEMA to study the impact of climate on the gays. That's simply beyond parody.

Here's my favorite part tho.

‘Given the disparate impact of climate change on LGBT populations, climate change policies, including disaster preparedness, response, and recovery plans, must address the specific needs and vulnerabilities facing LGBT people,' said study co-author Ari Shaw, Senior Fellow and Director of International Programs at the Williams Institute. ‘Policies should focus on mitigating discriminatory housing and urban development practices, making shelters safe spaces for LGBT people, and ensuring that relief aid reaches displaced LGBT individuals and families.'

So what is FEMA supposed to do when there's an emergency? We gonna blast Madonna from a loudspeaker as we rescue victims of the next big hurricane in New Orleans? Should we make all the agents get butch haircuts to make the lesbians feel more safe when they're rescued?

Like, what is this?!?

It's a joke, that's what it is.

And that's why you're reading about it here; because it's so close to satire you'd think it was a Babylon Bee article.

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