I'm sorry, but in a world where human beings are dealing with sky-high inflation, a looming recession, constant global wars, a disintegrating political order ... I mean, it really hurts to read this sort of thing:
Many New Yorkers turn to Fido to help them with their mental health issues, but veterinarians and trainers say city pups are increasingly dealing with their own issues — often as a result of soothing their needy owners.
Everyone, everywhere, all at once, reading that:
Look, we love our dogs. No arguments there. They were made to be companions for us and they're great at that. I'm just not sure that they were made to be pampered socialites, as well:
Demsey previously had his French bulldog Sugar on Prozac to manage her stress, but now he opts for a more natural cure. Once a month, Sugar gets a monthly lavender bath and massage at The Dog Store on East 61st Street, as does Demsey's Goldendoodle Roxy.
"It is incredibly calming and soothing, and they love it," said Demsey of the treatments, which total $400 for both dogs. "Not only does it relax them, they smell amazing when they come home.''
Four hundred bucks for "lavender baths and massages." I'm not sure I've spent $400 on total showers over the course of my adult life. (Seriously — I take military-style two-minute showers and it probably costs me like $0.15 per shower.)
Not to be outdone, another member of New York's elite is dropping big bucks on their papered, credentialed designer dog:
Once a week, their jittery 11-year-old Bichon/poodle mix, Millie, gets a $50 reiki treatment to relax.
"Reiki," in case you didn't know, is, like, middle-class Karen witchcraft. It involves energy, or auras, or something. It's dumb on its own and it's doubly dumb to buy it for your $2,000 dog. I'm sorry, but it is.
But if you really want to see a potent combination of obscene pet budgets and pseudoscientific practices, you have to go all the way to the Garden State:
Tammy Healy, 49, a personal trainer who lives in northern New Jersey, opted for chiropractic treatment when her 8-year-old rescue Lucky developed a nervous twitch.
Lady, I think I have an idea why your dog has a "nervous twitch," and it's not lack of chiropractic.
Well, maybe I missed my calling. I think I was supposed to be an emotional support dog. Where do I sign up?
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