In today's rapid-fire, lightning-fast media environment, it's always important to stay abreast of the latest socio-political terminology, so that you can at least appear to be up-to-date on whatever the current zeitgeist is.

For instance, it is increasingly becoming offensive to use the term "woman" in reference to...well...you know, women. Transgender ideology has successfully lobbied to make that word into something resembling a slur. So it's on its way out.

And what has taken its place? Oh, we have many options in play here. The following is surely a non-exhaustive list of all the things we may now call women other than "women:"

"Birth-givers."

Yes, "birth-givers." For that you can thank Rage Against the Machine, a formerly cutting-edge countercultural musical group that has embraced probably the most rigid orthodoxy of the last 100 years of American society.

"People who menstruate."

Some other acceptable variations: "Menstruating people," "people of the menstruating persuasion," "a person who happens to menstruate."

"People with uteruses."

I myself personally lobbied for "people with uteri," but I was quite handily voted down.

"Birthing people."

Be sure to wish your birthing person a happy birthing person's day next May!

"Abortion patients."

It's a Planned Parenthood marketer's dream, honestly.

"Pregnancy-capable friends."

With pregnancy-capable friends like these, who needs pregnancy-capable enemies?

"Any pregnant person or person who could become pregnant."

Notable person who menstruates Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez here uses 650% more syllables to describe "women." Just an amazing feat of linguistic derring-do.

"Gestational parent."

Remember, kids: nothing in the world can replace a gestational parent's love.

"Bleeders."

This one is almost too difficult to joke about. Ladies, they renamed you after the hemogoblin villains of a trash 1997 Canadian horror movie:

Stop the world, I want off.

P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇