Imagine rolling up to your kid's elementary school and being greeted by this

Sep 9th

Hoooooooooooo boy.

I feel for this dude. I have elementary age kids; I would be beside myself.

I've seen different versions of this sign around in people's yards and whatnot and I must say I find it loathsome. It's so condescending and passive aggressively insulting. Behind each line is a not-so-subtly implied CONSERVATIVES AND CHRISTIANS ARE BIGOTS AND MORONS HUR HUR.

Allow me to translate the sign for you:

  • WE BELIEVE BLACK LIVES MATTER = IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH A REVOLUTIONARY MARXIST ORGANIZATION CURRENTLY TORCHING CITIES TO THE GROUND THEN YOU ARE A FLAMING RACIST
  • WE BELIEVE WOMEN'S RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS = IF YOU'RE AGAINST THE MURDER OF UNBORN BABIES AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON THEN YOU ARE A FLAMING SEXIST
  • WE BELIEVE NO HUMAN IS ILLEGAL = IF YOU DON'T DANCE IN JOY OVER THE THOUGHT OF WIDE OPEN BORDERS THEN YOU ARE A FLAMING XENOPHOBE
  • WE BELIEVE SCIENCE IS REAL = IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THE WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED BY CLIMATE CHANGE PRECISELY 12 YEARS FROM TODAY THEN YOU ARE A FLAMING IDIOT
  • WE BELIEVE LOVE IS LOVE = IF YOU BELIEVE WHAT HUMANS HAVE BELIEVED ABOUT MARRIAGE AND FAMILY SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME THEN YOU ARE A FLAMING HOMOPHOBE
  • WE BELIEVE KINDNES (sic lol) IS EVERYTHING = IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ANY OF THIS YOU ARE A FLAMING MEANY FACE

And you gotta love how says "WE believe" — implying everyone in the school is required to agree with all of it. Also gotta love the misspelling. Nice.

Oh why not, allow me to propose a conservative, Christian version of this sign. I wonder how many teachers or school administrators would feel comfortable flying this in their elementary room window to greet new students and their parents:

  • WE BELIEVE ALL LIVES MATTER
  • WE BELIEVE UNBORN BABIES' RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS
  • WE BELIEVE A NATION WITHOUT BORDERS IS NOT A NATION
  • WE BELIEVE THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS
  • WE BELIEVE GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO BE BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN
  • WE BELIEVE JESUS IS EVERYTHING

Heck, maybe we should make some of these signs and give a special discount to teachers 😊


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