This dude thought he could pull off the crime of the century simply by returning to the original Coke recipe.

An Indiana man tried putting the cocaine back into Coca-Cola and he had a much more sinister intent than simply trying to achieve a high. Mixing cocaine with MDMA (AKA Molly or Ecstasy) and Benzos this man tried to spike his wife's Coke in an attempt to kill her and marry her daughter.

This is levels of "what the actual heck" that I didn't even know we could reach.

Ruf told officers in January 2022 that he had been 'spiking' his wife's drinks over the last few months with a substance given to him by his wife's daughter, according to a probable cause affidavit obtained by USA TODAY.

Alfred teamed up with his stepdaughter so that they could poison her mom, using street drugs and prescription drugs. Once mom was dead, the plan was for Mr. Ruf to marry his stepdaughter.

It's like Woody Allen (but somehow with less cocaine).

When deputies interviewed a then-69-year-old Ruf at the sheriff's office in January 2022, he told them that he was sexually involved with his wife's 31-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, the affidavit says. He then explained that his wife's daughter gave him the pill bottle with the powdery substance in September 2021 and instructed him to put it in her mother's drink, the court document continued.

He did this 12 separate times!

The next part of this story turns pretty PG-13 or even R Rated so tell the kids to stop reading.

These drugs didn't kill his wife Lisa. They just knocked her out for about 13 hours.

While she was knocked out, the 31-year-old stepdaughter and one of her friends would come over to the house and, let me put this as PG as possible, "put on a show" for the old man.

Yeah, there's more. But there's no reason for us to get into it.

You might be wondering why the daughter would be involved in killing her own mother.

The victim's daughter told Ruf she wanted to 'get mom out of the picture' once she found out they were selling their home, according to the affidavit. The victim's daughter also mentioned a life insurance policy to Ruf that her mother had in place, the court document says.

Ruf admitted to the court that he would use the drug cocktail to knock her out, but he also had intent to kill her and only fessed up once his conscience got the best of him.

(Which was after his wife found out and he was arrested. Of course.)

Alfred Ruf, 71, pleaded guilty to aggravated battery in July for trying to poison his wife. He was sentenced on Monday to four years in prison and five years of probation, Indiana court records show.

Welp.

With a family this messed up on sex, drugs, and criminal activity, the only step left is to ... run for president.

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