Ah, The Onion. The old, worn-out version of The Babylon Bee.

Last week, we reported that an NBC contributor had purchased the failing site along with execs from Tumblr and TikTok:

To no one's surprise except the new owners of The Onion, their continuing coverage is just as lame as it was before.

On Monday after lunch, this was the banger they released on social media:

Nothing like referencing sex on a beloved children's show in order to give the 32-year-old perverts a laugh!

But don't worry, The Onion also had abortion jokes:

See, because states are protecting human life by banning abortion, this means that the government is forcing you to become pregnant. You may laugh now.

We heard from many Walmart customers that it would be convenient to have a registry option for parents-to-be who were forced into having a baby by their state government...

They have some really smart people over there at The Onion and don't you forget it!!

Don't worry though: The Onion took a break from inserting sex jokes into kids' shows and lamenting the existence of babies in order to publish this article:

Did they hire 13-year-old boys to run this site?

Let's look at the other content they've created the past few days.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!

There's actually a funny one in there. A story about using the climate grift to evade taxes on your home?

Oh, it's just a single short paragraph, eh? Guess they didn't want to alienate their two hardcore fans!

Just to compare, let's see what the unfunny right-wing extremists at The Babylon Bee have been up to over the past few days.

NOT FUNNY AT ALL. STOP LAUGHING!

Anyway, best of luck to The Onion, and the new owners especially. I hope the investment was worth the emotional satisfaction because this money pit is gonna take you for a ride!

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