Our society has gone so soft and become so weird that I don't even know what to say.
"A deadly climax"?
TL;DR Version: A postal worker hit a super aggressive turkey tom that attacked him, and it killed the dumb bird.
This week, tensions between the fowl and one U.S. Postal Service worker reached a violent climax when the carrier killed a turkey while on duty, officials said, prompting an investigation by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife.
"On Monday, one of the mail carriers actually had some kind of a stick or something in his vehicle," said Capt. Patrick Foy, a spokesman for the department's Law Enforcement Division. "And when one of the particularly aggressive male turkeys attacked him, he smacked it and killed it."
You know what I call that?
Dinner.
The bird messed around, and he found the heck out. Why is this even a story?? If it were up to me, postmen would have 9mm blasters to shoot attacking wildlife.
Answer: California.
The California Department of Fish and Wildlife can't have humans protecting themselves from animals you can buy sliced in the deli aisle. Nope. A crime may have been committed, and Cali won't rest until justice for this poor bird has been dealt!!
Foy declined to say what kind of violation could be involved but said the department had not issued a citation as of Thursday evening.
"Our job is to determine what exactly happened, and then we fill out a report," he said. "We might send it to the district attorney, and the district attorney decides whether or not a crime has been committed."
The failing U.S. Postal Service also pointed blame on the carrier:
"We have been working with the Department of Fish and Wildlife to mitigate the issue," the USPS said. "However, this allegation is alarming, and if true, is inexcusable and does not reflect the efforts of our more than 650,000 employees who faithfully serve and deliver for America every day."
Translation: We're throwing our employee under the bus.
The turkeys seem to have been targeting delivery workers in the neighborhood since October, when the postal service began reporting the situation to wildlife officials. Foy said the attacks had also disrupted deliveries from FedEx, UPS and other carriers.
But, again, somehow this mail carrier is in the wrong??
A wildlife officer and a biologist sent to look into the reports saw a group of four turkeys attack a mail carrier.
"He was swinging his mailbag at them, trying to fend them off," Foy said.
The USPS suggested the carriers use pepper spray, which didn't work because the turkeys were MASSIVE from being fed by the locals.
Foy said the turkey that was killed Monday was by far the heaviest he had ever lifted.
"I've been around about 25 years, so I kind of know turkeys," he said. "And I just I looked at it, and I'm like, ‘Oh, this is the biggest turkey I've ever seen.'"
The turkeys also specifically targeted the mail carriers.
"I can't explain it, but the aggressive turkeys do not appear to be worried at all about the residents of this community," Foy said. "I watched it myself.
"I walked up to the turkeys myself, and they didn't want anything to do with me," he said. "But when that mail carrier pulled up, they immediately went on the offensive."
I'm telling ya: Maybe our dogs are onto something.
Maybe all the animals are trying to warn us about some nefarious plot these mail and delivery guys are up to!
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