After a long day hearing about my evils as a cisgender American white man, it's fun to kick back and unwind with a good old-fashioned video game. It's a great way to forget the impending decline of Western civilization at the hands of ignorant masses clamoring to suppress truth and justice with Marxist revolution.
(Fighting off hordes of merciless aliens is a million times less stressful than reading a Twitter thread or watching a CNN report.)
Unfortunately, if you thought your virtual adventures were safe from the insanity of the Left, think again. Most Leftist politicians seem excited that their cities are burning, crime is off the charts, and millions of livelihoods have been lost due to their draconian lockdowns. Look at the glee of officials like Ted Wheeler, Bill de Blasio, and Gavin Newsom. For years, they've dreamed of turning America into a communist utopia like Cuba, Venezuela, or North Korea. With neighborhoods aflame in "mostly peaceful" displays, those dreams are closer than ever.
(Gotta love when peace is so fiery!)
However, not all Leftists are content with the simple annihilation of the United States, or even the world for that matter. Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden and his VP pick Kamala Harris are daring to dream bigger. While American cities might be burning, hundreds of virtual worlds remain happy, fun-filled places, and the Biden campaign thinks this just isn't fair.
To begin their digital conquest of the gaming world, Biden's campaign announced they would be releasing virtual yard signs for players in the game "Animal Crossing: New Horizons." The game launched this year and has been very popular during lockdown, with 22 million units sold. After all, if it's illegal to get actual sunshine, virtual sunshine is just as good, right?
In this simulation game, players build a city on a deserted tropical island, learning how to create a thriving society where free individuals can trade, assemble, express themselves, and enjoy life without government taxes or intervention.
Undoubtedly drawn to this disgusting display of individual rights and liberty, the Biden-Harris campaign will be featuring yard signs that players can display outside of homes on their virtual island paradise.
"This is just the start of how we plan to engage players ahead of November as we're already looking forward to rolling out more digital swag, voter education tools, and organizing efforts on Animal Crossing and other platforms," said Christian Tom, Director of Digital Partnerships for Biden's campaign.
At the moment, players can choose from four yard signs: the official Biden-Harris logo, a "Team Joe" logo, a Biden LGBT "Pride" logo, and a sign with aviator sunglasses to remind us how hip and cool Biden is (you know, the guy who referenced using a record player in a debate just a few months back).
With plenty of customizable hair options, players should be warned that Biden's avatar may appear behind them to catch a whiff of their virtual hairdo at any time. Players should also be wary of any NPCs in the game that go by the name "Corn Pop." 😉
Congratulations, digital world! When your Biden-ruled island paradise inevitably and violently succumbs to race riots, enforced lockdowns, and the government seizing the means of production, just remember: it's Trump's fault!
