Yesterday, after a rare morning away from work and the doom-and-gloom news cycle, I returned to my computer to a shocking sight. At the top of my screen was an article published under the Not the Bee name that shook me to my core:

Immediately, I knew I would have to step in like Brie Larson and save the day, despite having no apparent skills or training (or on-screen charisma), or even the proper physique to do so. It was time for me to be like all those girl bosses I've seen over the past few years and just win the war by default because, well, that's what corporate wants.

Let me be very clear here, I have NOT seen The Marvels. Nor would I encourage anybody in their right mind to spend money to do so. I know enough to know that I don't need to see this movie and that @planetmoron's review missed the mark by a country mile. Here's why.

The Marvels is woke garbage because it even exists.

This movie is something like a side-plot spinoff of a spinoff of a failed attempt to inject a Christ-like female character into the MCU. Captain Marvel was initially cast to save the day for all the weaker (and mostly male) characters as they attempted to clumsily defeat Thanos. When Disney forced Captain Marvel on the writers of The Avengers series, they weren't thrilled. Here's a quote from Avengers writer Christopher Markus discussing the introduction of Captain Marvel into the script for Endgame that, I'm sure, was being more gracious to Disney than it needed to be:

"Well, she was always going to be in it but we didn't have much to go on. They had cast her and that was it. It is a tough balance to strike when you have a character that powerful who you're going to bring in, and you don't want it to seem like, well we just brought in this person who can clean the house that we couldn't clean in the previous movie. So, we had to decide on a balance between not making it feel like a cameo but not having her around so much that she solved all of the problems for everybody"

And therein lies the rub. This character was nothing more than the result of a Kathleen Kennedy style MCU overhaul and "Panderverse" that sets up the lead female character to be so powerful that she can't even exist in the same movies with the other superheroes. The existence of Brie Larson's Captain Marvel character is a direct result of a DEI push within Disney. Her presence in the MCU, her unequaled power, and now her completely unjustified series of movies that will undoubtedly underperform at the box office, are nothing more than a testament to the "woke" ideology of gender equality (and/or equity?) that is being thrust upon us by corporate behemoths like Disney.

And let me say this, I have three young girls in my house. I love the idea that there could be some movies made more with them in mind than my lightsaber-wielding son, but this isn't the right way to do it. Disney took the deus ex machina approach with Captain Marvel, propped her up to be an undefeatable (and simultaneously unlikable and insufferable) feminist icon, and then thought the mostly-male audience of the MCU would love to see her woman-splain how to defeat Thanos and save the universe.

And don't get me started on the other protagonists. Let's just say this is probably a real image from the boardroom meeting where they came up with the "Black Girl Magic" character and the other forgettable member of the Marvels trio (I don't know or care to find out the actual names of these characters, lol):

The trio of female leads exists for no other purpose than to show that "women can do this too," which is a message that has been systematically used to create a false narrative that men and women are inherently the same as each other, with no defining characteristics to separate them. The idea that women can be strong leaders is not itself the danger, it's the idea that women don't need men at all. And these movies are another (lame) attempt to convince our youth that this is absolutely the case.

Let's just say I'm not here for it.

Some may fault me for writing a review without seeing the movie. But to me, that's the whole point. It doesn't matter what the actual dialogue within the movie says, or where the plot leads us. The production itself is a testament to the attempted hijacking of traditional family values and gender roles in our country by Disney and almost every other media corporation out there. Whether there are good special effects, jokes, action sequences - that's all non-consequential because of the broader context and purpose for which the story was created.

I'll spend my money and direct my kids' attention elsewhere, like a subscription to BentKey or staying at home to watch classic movies that don't perpetuate the lies of modern Hollywood.

Consider the original Marvels review successfully OVERTURNED.

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