Paris Olympics brings back environmentally friendly "anti-sex" beds
· May 15, 2024 ·

In the least-French move ever, "anti-sex" beds have arrived ahead of the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris to try and stop athletes from ... well, having sex.

Not so laissex-faire!

The beds are manufactured by a company called Airweave, who return to the weirdest corner of the anti-sex market after providing products for the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Japan.

The twin-size beds are supposedly designed with sustainability as the primary focus, with 100% recyclable mattresses and cardboard bed frames, but given reports of the Olympics' dark and sordid underbelly, rumors are these tiny, collapsable beds are designed with one thing in mind: to put an end to sex.



Here's how Matthew Syed — 1992 Olympian in table tennis, the sexiest sport that involves a table and paddles and tiny balls — described the Barcelona Games:

I am often asked if the Olympic village - the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world's top athletes for the duration of the Games - is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is.

Unfortunately for the anti-sex organizers, they seem to have forgotten two crucial points.

First off, this seems somewhat counterproductive, given that it was announced in March that 300,000 condoms would be made available to residents of the Olympic Village in Paris. While that seems like a lot, it pales in comparison to the whopping 450,000 male and female condoms distributed for the 2016 Olympic Games in Brazil.

(Sometimes, folks, these articles just write themselves.)

Second, though, they're ignoring that maybe these small cardboard beds won't be the ultimate barrier to athlete sex, since it is possible to [checks notes] have sex while not on a bed!

A first for Paris, I'm sure.

It's hard to accept, but the reality is that cardboard beds aren't making this problem go away. U.S. Olympic gold medalist Hope Solo for soccer — and no, soccer should not be in the Olympics — said that she saw people "having sex right out in the open" during the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing.

With athletes this dedicated to their craft, it's hard to imagine that a cardboard bed is going to come between them and Olympic glory.

Follow Ian on Substack and X (@ighaworth).

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