LOL guys, sorry, it was just too hard to figure it out!

I guess that wraps it up. Nothing to see here!

Secret Service officials combed through visitor logs and surveillance footage of hundreds of individuals who entered the West Wing in the days preceding the discovery and were unable to identify a suspect, one of the sources said.

Investigators were also unable to identify the particular moment or day when the baggie was left inside the West Wing cubby near the lower level entrance where it was discovered.

The second source said that the leading theory remains that it was left by one of the hundreds of visitors who entered the West Wing that weekend for tours and were asked to leave their phones inside those cubbies.

Ah, except other sources said it was found in an area not accessible to the public.

But yes, let's go with the theory that someone [checks notes] brought cocaine with them on a tour of the White House.

So there's about a billion cameras in the White House. We've got miles of airspace around DC protected by jets and missiles that are constantly at the ready. We have security at all points of entry. A fly doesn't land on the White House lawn without the Secret Service knowing.

So we definitely have security cameras pointed at the cubby area where visitors arrive, right?

The cubbies where the small bag of cocaine was found is a blind spot for surveillance cameras, according to a source familiar with the investigation.

While there's surveillance around where the bag was found, cameras are not trained directly on the West Wing cubbies near the lower-level entrance where it was discovered, the source said, making it difficult to identify who left the bag behind.

No way to narrow it down, I guess. If only the Secret Service could establish a timeframe and review all visitors during that period, then narrow that down to a few suspects - maybe even review prior criminal records for that pool of suspects - and make some inquiries that might lead to arrest.

What a novel idea that would be!

If a visitor really snuck coke into the White House, that means someone could easily sneak in, say, a biological weapon. So either this is a coverup or the Secret Service is totally incapable of defending the president. Change my mind.

Visitors entering the West Wing for tours are asked to leave their phones in those cubbies, which can also be used by staff who cannot bring their phones into a SCIF, or sensitive compartmented information facility, where classified materials are handled. The cubbies are located near the Situation Room, which has not been used for months due to ongoing renovations.

There it is.

Buried deep in the story is the admission that these cubbies are also used by staff - staff who would have the credentials and access to potentially sneak things past security.

But that would mean someone in the Biden administration brought cocaine to work, and that would be bad for optics.

(We can't have that while a Democrat is in the White House.)

GOP Rep. Tim Burchett told CNN the case was "the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life."

...

"Y'all have all been to the White House. You give your Social Security number, you get, I mean, I'm sure they have facial identification and everything else, and to say that they don't know who it is, to me, somebody should lose their job over this, a lot of people," he said.

Darn those pouncing Republicans and their logic!

Anyway, expect this story to completely die while the culprit gets away with it.

If you need to laugh away the corruption, The Bee is here for ya: