Do you remember when people were banning plastic straws to save the environment?
Starbucks was all in on this routine. Back in 2018, they announced a plan to eliminate plastic straws globally by 2020, replacing them with "new recyclable strawless lid and alternative-material straw options."
Kamala Harris supported this initiative in the most Kamala Harris way possible.
Well thank goodness they're banning straws because their new CEO will be commuting to work three days a week using a gas-guzzling private jet.
Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol, the former CEO of Chipotle, lives in Newport Beach, California, and will be commuting to the company's headquarters in Seattle — a 954-mile flight — using a corporate jet.
Interesting.
Let's take a quick look at Starbucks' environmental promise:
At Starbucks, we promise to give more than we take from the planet. Our comprehensive approach is built on our commitment to build a more sustainable, equitable and resilient future for coffee, farmers, communities and our planet. Across our company, we are testing and scaling innovative solutions to support partners, farmers and communities in the face of global climate change.
So that's why your CEO will be filling the air with CO2 all across the West Coast three days a week.
I'm sure a few plastic straws will offset this.
According to his offer letter, Niccol will have a base salary of $1.6 million annually, along with a cash bonus between $3.6 million and $7.2 million, as well as annual equity awards worth up to $23 million.
So in Kamala Harris's economy, at least Niccol will be able to afford a quad long shot grande in a venti cup half caff double-cupped no sleeve salted caramel mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla substitute 2 pumps of white chocolate mocha for mocha and substitute 2 pumps of hazelnut for toffee nut half whole milk and half breve with no whipped cream extra hot extra foam extra caramel drizzle extra salt add a scoop of vanilla bean powder with light ice well stirred.
But please, no straw.
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