Yo, hide the doughnuts, chief, the rats are getting high again!
Real story out of New Orleans: Rats are getting into the evidence room at the NOPD station and getting high as a kite on the weed being kept there.
Reefer-loving rodents are gobbling up the cannabis stash held under lock and key in the New Orleans Police Department's dilapidated evidence room, officials announced on Monday.
"The rats are eating our marijuana," Superintendent Anne Kirkpatrick told the City Council's Criminal Justice Committee, according to NOLA.com.
"They're all high."
Bro, good for those rats. They're probably living their best lives right now, not a care in the world besides finding the next slice of dumpster pizza.
She argued that the current police headquarters, built in 1968, are not fit for a modern force — describing how the elevators are broken, there is no air conditioning, and officers are forced to work around the rat and cockroach droppings scattered on their desks.
The stoned rats are of particular concern because their taste for marijuana could jeopardize criminal cases, she noted.
"The uncleanliness is off the charts," Kirkpatrick told city officials on Monday.
"The janitorial cleaning [team] deserves an award, trying to clean what is uncleanable."
The New Orleans Police Department is a pigsty, and it has a lot to do with the rats getting in and leaving droppings everywhere. Perhaps if the police can find a way to lock up that weed, the rats wouldn't be such party animals, leaving droppings wherever they happen to be trippin out at the time.
Not to mention, these rats are destroying evidence, which could lead to those weed criminals getting let off the hook.
Then, when you catch them a second time, there will be more weed for the rats. Talk about a feedback loop!
Thomas and other council members ultimately moved on Monday to approve the police department's 10-year lease of two floors of a downtown office building — pending a full council vote.
Renting is going to cost $7.6 MILLION, but apparently it would cost more to save the police HQ.
No word yet on how the rats are taking this turn of events.
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