Super Woke San Fran to rename 44 schools that have "inappropriate" names like "Washington," "Lincoln," and "Paul Revere"

Oct 17th

It today's coverage of the Woke Monster, we bring you the story of the balloonheads over at San Francisco Public Schools, who have decided they're going to rename over a third of their school buildings because they've deemed their namesakes have "connections to slavery, genocide, or oppression."

As a rational human being, you may ask yourself: who in the world would fit that criteria, and why would San Fransisco have named 44 schools after such people???

Before we get to that, here's the criteria the school board used when considering their campaign to rename schools:

  • Anyone directly involved in the colonization of people.
  • Slave owners or participants in enslavement.
  • Perpetrators of genocide or slavery.
  • Those who exploit workers/people.
  • Those who directly oppressed or abused women, children, queer or transgender people.
  • Those connected to any human rights or environmental abuses.
  • Those who are known racists and/or white supremacists and/or espoused racist beliefs.

Now, with this criteria, do you have any historical figures in mind? Perhaps someone like Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Genghis Khan, Darius of Persia, Robespierre, Mohammed, Vlad the Impaler, Pol Pot, Nero, Heinrich Himmler, Saddam Hussein, Kim Il Sung, Nebuchadnezzar, Ayatollah Khomeini, or Osama Bin Laden?

Nope. If you thought those people were evil, then you are part of the problem. As the 1619 Project teaches us (may its revisionist history forever be praised, amen), the only oppressors in history were white, cisgendered Christian men. With this in mind, take a look at some of the names the school board plans to erase:

  • George Washington
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Herbert Hoover
  • James Monroe
  • James Garfield
  • Roosevelt (2-for-1 on this one!)
  • Thomas Jefferson
  • William McKinley
  • Paul Revere (How dare he warn people about the Brits)
  • Alamo (Texans are now cancelled)
  • Francis Scott Key (composer of the Star-Spangled Banner)
  • El Dorado (No mythological cities allowed)
  • Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman (key Union leader in the Civil War)
  • Jose Bernardo Sanchez (Spanish missionary)
  • Mission Dolores (oldest building in San Fran, built by evil men trying to tell noble natives about the love of Jesus)
  • Vasco Núñez de Balboa (Spanish explorer)

The list goes on from there.

Now, you may wonder why the school board would do this in the middle of a pandemic, especially considering the extreme lockdown measures His Majesty Gavin Newsom has imposed on California. You might be thinking, like local parent Jonathan Alloy, that this move doesn't actually solve racism or help minority communities, especially when many are struggling to keep up with the demands of distance learning.

"We're not actually helping disadvantaged children by changing the name of the school they can't attend," said Alloy.

WRONG. We don't help disadvantaged communities by actually meeting their needs. Instead, we virtue signal by cancelling historical figures for Woke points, push Marxist narratives to usher in a new glorious age of humanity, and then blast Orange Man Bad a few times for extra-credit. Remember, our generation is the most virtuous, most loving, most intelligent, and most moral of any before it, and we must remove all reminders of anyone who isn't as great or perfect as we are!

What. The. Actual. Heck.

I have no words for this utter, flowerbedding insanity. I do, however, have one glimmer of hope, and it comes with another name on the school list:

  • Sen. Diane Feinstein

If you know who Sen. Feinstein is, you may be wondering how in the world her name is on this list of the #Patriarchy. Well, it turns out that long ago, in the ancient time of 1986, then-Mayor Feinstein committed an unforgivable sin.

She replaced a vandalized Confederate flag that was part of a historical flag display at city hall.


It doesn't matter that Feinstein is one of the most far-left politicians of the past half century. It doesn't matter that she is pro-LGBT, a strong abortion advocate, a proponent of ObamaCare, anti-gun, a supporter of the 2015 Iran deal, and is the oldest member of the Senate. That legacy of Leftist policy has been washed away by the fact that she dared to include, let alone replace, a Confederate flag in a historical display 34 years ago.

Feinstein is also in hot water this week for daring to give a friendly hug to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC). The Left is calling for her head.

The Woke Monster is always hungry, you see, and when it runs out of white conservative men to devour, it begins to eat its own. As one Twitter user to eloquently put it:

The Monster is starting to cannibalize itself, and what a feast it's going to be.

P.S. Now take a brain break and enjoy our viral video "How to speak Bidenese" 👇

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