Just another normal day for the super-objective, grounded-in-reason crew of The New York Times:

LOOK AT THIS GRAPHIC:

💀

Let's dive into this gem of an op-ed:

Enough already: It is time to unleash Dark Brandon on this soul-sucking downer of a presidential race. And the most obvious place to begin is to invite him to the State of the Union address.

This is a big moment for Mr. Biden. A sizable chunk of America has decided he is too frail and dotty to be commander in chief for a second term, and his team's preferred approach to such concerns — pooh-poohing and whining about them — is not resonating. At least not in a good way. His State of the Union performance — and make no mistake, in an election year, this speech is high-level campaign theater — is the perfect opportunity to show rather than tell Americans that he still has the fire in the belly. When he steps behind the lectern, the president needs to slap on those aviators and start throwing some strategic punches.

Have you ever met Biden? The man was a gaffe machine back when his brain and leg muscles weren't atrophied. You're living in a fantasy world, lady!

Metaphorically, of course. No one wants the man to start a fistfight on the House floor wearing sunglasses.

Spicy Biden tends to play well with the public and the media.

"SPICY BIDEN"?

HAAAAAA!!!

I mean, I get it. Right-wingers like to make flags like this about their own 77-year-old real estate mogul with the golf bod:

But that's because Trump is a pop culture icon who spent decades in the limelight before he ever ran for office. It's kinda natural to meme celebs like him.

But Biden? Biden is a random old politician from Delaware who only became a household name because he was VP to the first black president. And this lady is trying to sell him as a muscular Greek god!

With Mr. Trump ascendant and congressional Republicans scurrying to do the MAGA king's bidding, Mr. Biden needs to kick things up a notch on Thursday.

Woman, he's already on enough Adderal to kill a horse! Do you want him to have a heart attack and force President Kamala to run against Trump??

Ever so gently, he should stick his thumb in their eye and swirl it around.

HAVE YOU EVER MET JOE BIDEN?? 💀

She makes it sound like that guy has always been some heroic, quick-witted statesman - like he's Jesus taking on the Pharisees!

Mr. Biden should not miss this high-profile moment to remind Americans that the G.O.P. at all levels seems committed to rolling back women's reproductive rights, at times with unanticipated consequences.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa - I'm already voting Republican. You don't have to sell it to me!

As president, Mr. Biden has done much to burnish his measured, reasonable brand. Maybe too much. To convince the American people he's up for another four years, he may need to deliver a little more sauce now and then.

Let Dark Brandon off the chain for the night. It's worth the risk.

Do y'all remember what happened when Biden's handlers let Dark Brandon off the chain? Cuz I do!

I can't wait to watch Dark Brandon punch himself repeatedly in the face tonight.

P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇