Okay, I know, this sounds crazy! But hear me out on this...
First, some context:
Even though he is quickly approaching his 12th birthday, my first-born son Hunter is mentally at an infant level. As a result, I have the unique pleasure of getting to experience all that children's programming has to offer for babies and toddlers. Not to brag, but I consider myself something of a connoisseur of obnoxious kids' shows.
Having spent more than a decade scouring YouTube and other streaming services for children's entertainment that won't make me want to blow my brains out, I have come to the following conclusion:
The Wiggles is the greatest children's singing group and that's just a fact.
Don't agree? Well, you're wrong, and here's why:
1. Their music actually isn't that bad!
Once you get past the absolutely terrible dinosaur, dog and octopus costumes... and the utterly useless Captain Feathersword, you'll find a lot of genuinely catchy classic folk songs:
I'll even admit they have some genuinely catchy originals, as well:
Don't watch these videos. Listen to them. With your heart. They're really not bad to have playing in the background.
2. They don't care about your #$@%! political correctness!
You want to appropriate Indian culture for the sake of a song about papadum? Here's the Wiggles:
Of course, you can't have anything involving non-european culture in it without getting accused of racism, so, naturally, Elder Wiggle Anthony was forced to apologize for it. Because Everything is Racist™
Meanwhile, this woman who was clearly being held against her will is still missing.
You want to sing Christmas songs about baby Jesus on a mainstream TV show? Here's the feather-swording Wiggles with an entire medley of songs specifically about Jesus:
3. The original Wiggles were literal rock stars!
Before Anthony "Blue Wiggle" Field formed The Wiggles, he and several of the original Wiggles cast were involved in the popular pop/rock band, The Cockroaches:
Here's a more recent reunion performance:
Still got it!
4. The Red Wiggle is a professional opera singer!
Simon, the tall Wiggle dressed in red, isn't your every day children's singer. He's a professionally trained opera singer, just like his parents both were. He even played the Phantom in The Phantom of The Opera over 100 times! The dude can belt out a wide range of rich vocals like nobody's business:
5. The Wiggles are FIT!
The Wiggles TV shows and live performances are incredibly high-energy, and feature lots of dance moves that are sometimes just exhausting to watch. Particularly impressive when you consider Anthony is 57 years old!
Not surprisingly, they have to stay in great shape. Here's Simon ("Red Wiggle") and his wife, "Dorothy the Dinosaur" competing on Australian Ninja Warrior:
6. Emma is a flippin' BEAST!
Emma is one tough feathersworder.
Now 30, she grew up as a fan of the original Wiggles, and can actually be seen in the audience of their very first live video:
She's a professionally trained dancer, and it shows:
But for some time, she struggled with singing, until Lachy ("Purple Wiggle") helped coach her into a confident vocalist.
But what makes her a real beast is the fact that she continued performing for some time while fighting through pain due to severe endometriosis, eventually undergoing surgery. She did end up taking some time away from the Wiggles, but jumped right back in the Big Red Car and continues to go strong.
Here's a thirty-minute biography on the Yellow Wiggle:
