If you're one of those domestic extremists who likes the Constitution, you've probably suffered a few boating accidents like me and have had to keep replacing all the boomsticks that you've lost to the deep.

And when you get a new blaster (one of those extra-scary types like the AK-15), you want to load it out with the best accessories as possible.

Our friends over at The Babylon Bee have a handy guide of some possible modifications to your rifle...

...but here's one even they didn't think of:

Genius, right???

Picture it: It's 3 a.m. and your security system was just triggered. Three tangos are trying to invade your castle. Little do they know that you keep a magic firestick by your side for just such an occasion, or that you've programed Alexa to play "Welcome to the Jungle" the second they entered your perimeter.

Within seconds, the party has started, but as the baddies scream and run, you find yourself in the kitchen, where you remember that you have some leftover chicken nuggies and all this Ramboing has made you a bit hungry.

As the perps dive desperately through closed windows, you keep the happity-clappity going by stabilizing your blaster on the counter and use your free hand to retrieve your Chick-Fil-A goodness.

Then you run into the conundrum: YOU NEED TWO HANDS TO OPEN A SAUCE PACKET.

Now the moment is ruined, and you're forced to go hungry as you make sure those boys get the medical and police attention they so appropriately deserve.

THIS IS WHERE THE M-LOK SAUCE HOLDER COMES IN.

What a wonderful nation we live in.

God bless America.

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