Not everyone celebrates Christmas. That's understood. And yes, you can feel left out, like when you move to a new town and all anyone can talk about is a local sports team you barely knew existed.

But it's really not that hard to deal with, not if you're a confident, emotionally well-adjusted person, unburdened with deep-seated insecurities.

While on a stroll through Tokyo once, I came across a local festival celebrating... something. I had no idea what, but there were pretty lights, fanciful decorations, local foods, and hordes of happy people, so I just rolled with it and had a blast.

It's not hard.

Unless, well, you're the Washington Post. Then it is hard. It's hard to be surrounded by people WHO ARE NOT IN LOCK-STEP AGREEMENT WITH YOU ON EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

And so we have possibly the most unneeded article series of the year, getting in just under the wire to snag first place.

I checked out Washington first, of course, as I live here.

Want to know the secret of how to spend a secular Christmas in Washington DC?!

Get Chinese food and go to the movies.

So, date night, only more secularly.

In my house, my spouse and I have combined our traditions: my family's penchant for ordering enough Chinese food to feed a Maccabee army, and her side's insistence on heading to the movies. This is how we do Christmas Day in D.C.

Oh, but it does not end there. Get this: You can also go look at the monuments! No, really, they don't take them down for Christmas.

Christmas is the one day a year Smithsonian museums close, so those free exhibits are out. But nothing is stopping you from seeing national monuments without a crowd.

Correct, there is nothing stopping you from going outside and looking at things. There never was. Ever. Even during Covid you could go see them. I know, because I did.

Still, I was intrigued by these imaginative ways to spend a secular Christmas that very much resemble a completely normal weekend, so I explored some of the other cities for which the Washington Post felt it necessary to post guides.

I started with New York, as I used to live there.

Want to know how you can spend a secular Christmas in New York?

Get Chinese food and go to the movies.

Oh, and… wait for it… go see things outside.

We often combine our Christmas meal in Chinatown with a stroll to Battery Park in Lower Manhattan, where you can sight-see and even catch a movie.

Wow, I'm not sure I would have ever thought to get Chinese food, watch a movie, and look at things outside absent this useful guide totally customized for New York City.

I decided to take a look at a west coast city, see how they spend a secular Christmas in their own, unique…

Okay, fine, Chinese food, movie, look at things.

I checked Houston, Chicago, and Seattle.

Wash, rinse, repeat. All the same.

For a "secular Christmas," they sure do seem to have a pretty set canon of acceptable customs they seem to be trying to push.

These pieces all had an old familiarity to them in that their real utility was informing readers what was open on Christmas day. Articles like that have been common for years. Know what they were titled?

"What's open on Christmas day?"

Knowing what's open on Christmas day is a utility for everyone, secular, other religions, heck, even Christians who might want to catch a movie on Christmas day.

But not at The Washington Post. At The Washington Post, religious people who are not Christians stay in their houses for fear of running into an errant wreath or Nativity scene, while all the Christians do whatever Christiany things those people do.

Speaking of which, have a wonderful Christiany Christmas!