The Washington Mall is justifiably famous for its monuments and sculptures, from the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials with their larger-than-life renderings of two of America's most important historical figures to such iconic landmarks as the Washington Monument and the Capitol Building itself.
Now, our great national public square, witness to civil rights marches, countless presidential inaugurations, and the occasional colon cancer awareness program, has yet another addition in which all Americans can take great pride:
A desk with poop on it.
Yup, that headline says, "Satirical poop statue gets permit on National Mall, drawing viewers."
Okay, so while this would not be the first time I've seen a large pile of poop while walking around DC, the permit for the statue was for only a week or so and I just couldn't let the opportunity to bask in the greatness of high art pass me by.
Behold, the poop desk:
I stood there, tears welling up in my eyes (though that might have been allergies), and took it all in. The work itself manages to simultaneously evoke the somber seriousness of Leonardo Da Vinci's "The Last Supper" with the sophisticated satire of Cassius Marcellus Coolidge's "Dogs Playing Poker."
I should probably point out that the sculpture is satirical, which I know because the media told me it was. Here was the very sophisticated satirical plaque.
This memorial honors the brave men and women who broke into the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021 to loot, urinate and defecate throughout those hallowed halls in order to overturn an election.
See, the people behind the work don't really think these people were brave, they're just saying that. Get it? No? Okay, let's add some scare quotes, too!
President Trump celebrates these heroes of January 6th as 'unbelievable patriots' and 'warriors.' This monument stands as a testament to their daring sacrifice and lasting legacy.
Okay, so it's not subtle. What can I say? Some people like their satire cutting and sharp, like a stiletto, and some prefer it dull and heavy, like an anvil in a Roadrunner cartoon.
According to the permit submitted to the National Park Service, the sculpture is called, "The Resolute Desk," an obvious nod to the desk gifted to the United States late in the 18th century by Queen Victoria of England and used by many Presidents. She would no doubt be gratified to hear, if not actually moved, to learn that a sculpture the focal point of which is a pile of poop, is honoring that gift.
And focal it is, rising as it does from the desk in great swirls as if to reach for the very heavens themselves.
That, or someone really needs to cut back on the fiber.
The news accounts tell us the sculpture is bronze. I put a hand on it and it could be bronze, although I found it had more the look and feel of a particularly cheap pot metal, so let's call it "bronze-like." However, that's just the desk on up. What the news accounts don't mention is that the majestic base upon which it stands is comprised of that famously treasured medium sought after by only the most talented artists: Styrofoam.
I had wrapped my knuckles on the base, curious as to what it was comprised of, and it had this odd hollow sound. There was definitely a hard outer shell, but with my suspicion already aroused, I looked down where people had been tripping on the corners and yep, looked like Styrofoam. I confirmed it by sinking a finger into the exposed corner. As you look at my pictures, you'll see every corner looks similar to this one.
I understand it wasn't made to last much more than a week but I've seen homecoming floats constructed out of higher quality materials.
The artist must have blown the budget on the poop.
I'd like to say it's more impressive in person, but it's not. As you walk up to it, it looks comically out of place, and small.
It stands maybe a bit over six feet to the top of the poop.
You might have heard that the desk had Nancy Pelosi's name plate on it. This photo is not mine, but I wanted to show it to you:
Unfortunately, someone stole the name plate, leaving behind little more than a dried patch of not-particularly-effective glue.
Who would take such a thing? Wait a second...
The artist of this poop piece remains anonymous for now which is understandable. Imagine dreaming about one day making transformative art. Maybe you went to a fine arts school and managed to pick up a few regional awards along the way, and yet still you toiled in relative obscurity until one day you get a commission. It's an odd one. You hesitate, but finally accept the offer because you need the money. And there you are, working in the same studio where you thought you'd perhaps one day make your masterpiece, but instead you are putting the finishing touches on a pile of poop and a Styrofoam base.
This is your legacy. You've gone from aspiring artist, to a toddler in your parents basement playing with Play-Doh and packaging foam.
Not everyone shares my less-than high opinion of the piece. In fact most of the corporate media can't get enough of it, including the Washington Post.
Ackchyually!
He did the meme!
The article was written by Washington Post Art Critic "Sebastian Smee," which is the BEST name for an art critic EVER. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winner, book author, has an Honours degree in fine arts from the University of Sydney, and by all outward appearances seems to be a full grown man.
He wrote the following about a poop sculpture (emphases mine).
I think it's brilliant. Beyond brilliant, actually. It may be the most urgently important public monument of our time...
This monument, titled 'The Resolute Desk,' is instead about truth.
It is a figurative sculpture, rooted in realism, that shows an improbably large pile of human poop on the desk of Nancy Pelosi...
The sculpture describes something that happened. Not precisely, to be sure
So yes, it has a symbolic aspect, taking a mild liberty in the interest of expression and economy. But the sculpture is in other ways a faithful representation of history.
The monument is impeccable in its eloquence. Its placing is spectacular. In one direction, the Washington Monument. In the other, much closer, the Capitol itself, its enormous dome rhyming suggestively with the spiraling shape of the turd. Teachable moment: Here are two things human beings produce: spot the difference.
This is our intellectual class, our elites, our betters.
And they are now drooling over a poop sculpture.
The sculpture will remain in this location until 9 p.m. on November 6.
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