I originally came across this story with the headline "Rogue grandma breaks bones on slide after sneaking into water park at 2am" and I just about lost it. Sure, technically Claire Vickers is a grandma, but she's only 46. Still, I had this vision in my head of an elderly woman sneaking into a waterpark with a friend and it totally made my day.
Anyhow…
So real quick let's give you about the only context you need in order to dive into this story:
Ms Vickers had been enjoying a long drinking session earlier that day and had spent four hours at the pub, before meeting Mr Douglas at his home for further drinks.
Okay, so these two Brits are plastered. Plain and simple. And plastered people most all of the time end up doing really dumb things.
So here's dumb thing numero uno: Claire Vickers and her pal Barry Douglas, now very intoxicated, decided, hey, let's go on over to the Aldershot Lido (a public swimming pool) and sneak under the fence, have ourselves some good ol' fashioned fun splashin' around and gigglin' and what not.
So they did.
Enter dumb thing numero dos: okay, this is fun and all, but you know what would be a real blast and a half? If we poured some water down that there slide and went down it. That'd be fun!
And they did that too.
Only problem was, once they gained some speed and approached the bottom, they noticed a barrier blocking their way.
It wasn't until they were rushing down the tube at speed that they spotted the barrier.
They slammed into it feet-first, causing Ms Vickers' shin to snap through the skin. All of the bones in her left foot were broken…
Mr Douglas, a forklift driver, broke his left leg and both ankles. He described the pain as 'unbearable.'
The two bozos then had to wait TWO HOURS for help to arrive as they screamed and hollered at anyone who could hear them.
What's more, Vickers says at the top of the slide she had nearly decided to go head first. I imagine there would've been little room for comedy in this story if she'd done that.
Vicker's leaves us with this, and I'll let her play us out because it's perfect:
Ms Vickers, a former bartender, said: 'We're idiots – let that be a lesson.'
