A gigantic parachuting spider is set to invade the East Coast and scientists want us to "learn to live with them" so I'm pretty sure the spiders have gotten to the scientists already
· · Mar 7, 2022 · NottheBee.com

There are so many words and phrases that have entered our popular lexicon that we wish we had never heard of. "Social distancing." "Feminism." "President Joe Biden."

Well, get ready, because "Joro spider" is about to make that list:

They're huge, have eight blue-black and yellow striped legs, and could soon move into most of the Eastern Seaboard of the U.S.

A study published in the journal Physiological Entomology says that the palm-sized joro spider, which has been largely confined to warmer southeastern states for nearly a decade, could soon be expected to colonize regions with colder climates.

That's because researchers have discovered the large arachnids have a higher probability of surviving a brief freeze than other closely related species of the same genus.

Oh, it can survive a "brief freeze," is that right? Well somebody needs to order up some bone-crushing cold snaps real quick. Get Mr. Freeze on the phone.

If he's not available then somebody call up the Game of Thrones guys and get those—what were they called, Mall Walkers? Whatever, the guys who bring winter.

Barring that, start dumping your ice cube trays outside! We need all hands on deck for this!

Okay okay it doesn't sounds all that bad:

"People should try to learn to live with them," Andy Davis, a research scientist in the Odum School of Ecology and one of the authors behind the recent study, told UGA Today, a publication by the University of Georgia...

Despite their startling appearance — and their namesake — Davis noted joros don't appear to be harmful or have much of an effect on local agriculture or ecosystems. In fact, he said, they may be beneficial to native predator birds as an additional food source. And, while they kill their prey using venom, scientists say they are harmless to people and pets because their fangs are usually too small to break human skin.

Oh wait now, their fangs are "usually" too small to break skin? So you mean sometimes their fangs can break skin?

Yeah nevermind, this is an emergency again. Get out your snow machines, folks, and crank 'em up!


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