Comrades, a bright and glorious future awaits us, where nothing costs anything, everyone thinks the same, and death has been defeated.
But until the all-wise government ushers in this utopia through the exalted vessel of Joe Biden, there are some sacrifices that need to be made. As the austere scholars over at the Washington Post recently pointed out, it is time to "lower expectations" when it comes to things like food, survival, and Christmas joy.
Americans are not just grappling with a supply-chain shortage this Christmas — there's also a dearth of Santas.
HireSanta.com has seen a 121 percent increase in people seeking Santas or Mrs. Clauses this year, compared with two years ago, according to Insider.
The site has been turning down new requests since the first week of November because its Santas are all booked up.
"Hundreds of people a day have been reaching out to us," founder Mitch Allen told The Washington Post. "We always sell out on weekends, but normally it's after Thanksgiving."
Allen tried to haphazard a guess at why there is a Santa shortage, noting that Covid-probably-killed-them-all-but-he-actually-doesn't-really-know-so-he's-going-with-what-the-media-has-told-him.
"Several hundred Santas and Mrs. Clauses, over the last 18 months, have passed away, and it's just a tragedy," Allen told The Washington Post, though he added that some of those deaths may have been due to other causes.
Other Santa agencies around the nation are also struggling to hire Santas to keep up with demand.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with all the shortages in other industries that are being caused by societal experiments in virology, climate hysteria, Marxism, and tyranny.
Anyway, there's also a shortage on Santa's assorted outfit pieces:
While a quick fix to the issue could be to just tap some amateur Santa lookalikes like grandfathers and bearded uncles around the country, supply-chain issues have limited the availability of Santa's iconic red robe and hat, according to the Post.
Make sure to tell your kid that this is all for a Covid/liberty free future where silly notions like Santa Claus are banned, there's no food, and half your relatives have died in the gulags.
Merry Christmas!
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