[Narrator: No one sane asked for this]
On Monday, the new Wagyu Steakhouse Burger patty was available online on Arby's Limited Time menu on two new menu items: the Deluxe Wagyu Steakhouse Burger and the Bacon Ranch Wagyu Steakhouse Burger
Both menu items can be ordered on their own, or as part of a combo meal.
Okay, stay with me here.
Arby's is a fast-food sandwich place.
Not a burger place, a sandwich place (I will challenge anyone who says the two are the same to a duel right here, right now).
It's also a fast-food chain that has a rather... questionable reputation.
My wife worked at an Arby's when she was young. The place nearly drove her insane.
Sure, everyone knows Taco Bell is gonna destroy your digestive system, but people go back because it's just too good to quit. And they've got people like Dolly Parton herself stumping for them.
And there are worse fast-food places like Long John Silver's, but I've never actually met a person who has eaten at Long John Silver's in the last 20 years.
(Seriously, how do they stay in business???)
But Arby's is the worst of both worlds. The food is terrible, but a lot of people still go there, evidently devoid of taste, common sense, or the fear of God Almighty.
They "have the meats," but apparently their cheddar roast beef isn't good enough to be the star of the show – they have to outsource that work to a burger to get press attention!
The deluxe burger is made with a Wagyu steakhouse burger patty, American cheese, lettuce, pickles, red onion, tomato and burger sauce on a toasted brioche bun, according to the Arby's website.
Meanwhile, the bacon ranch version is made with the same Wagyu patty, along with bacon, American cheese, lettuce, pickles, red onion, tomato and Parmesan peppercorn ranch on a brioche bun, the website said.
It's like they're trying to be Five Guys to get someone to notice them. It's weird. Stay in your lane with your lukewarm microwaved sandwiches, bro! Know the sad, desperate, tasteless audience that you serve!
According to the Arby's website, the patties are made with a blend of Wagyu and ground beef.
Yeah, the cost of authentic Japanese Wagyu is over $200 per pound, and I don't think you're getting that in a value basket made by a 15-year-old with 5 minutes of food training.
American knockoff Wagyu is more like $15 per pound, but a law of restaurants is that you should charge at least 3 times the cost of materials on a dish in order to cover operating expenses and salaries. This burger costs $5.99, which honestly makes me wonder how much real beef is in it considering inflation these days, let alone ultra-premium cow.
The concoction will be available from May 23 through July 31 (while supplies last).
"There are too many bad burgers out there," a description of the new burger says on the Arby's website. "That's why Arby's created THIS burger with wagyu beef, cooked medium-well with a hint of pink."
Hey, if you want to risk a burger cooked by Arby's with "a hint of pink," be my guest! The rest of us will wait to see how it goes!
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