Behold the next chapter in our greener, woker, and smellier world: Curbside food scraps collection.
I suppose it sounds better to say "curbside" as opposed to "stove side," or "hey, that's where I get family dinner togetherside," but that's just about the extent of their attempt to ward off any anticipated criticism.
Otherwise, they don't really do much to try to sell the idea, or at least apologize for it, they just pretend that it is perfectly normal to ask residents to keep a bucket of rotting food on their kitchen counter.
This is the cover of the flyer designed to thoughtfully explain how to ensure your food properly rots.
CURBSIDE FOOD SCRAPS COLLECTION
A Guide to Using Your NEW Collection Service.
I guess this is just a thing that's happening now.
The illustration on the cover doesn't try to sugar coat it either. It shows a bunch of rotting food going into a bucket on your kitchen counter. I particularly like how close it is to the dish towel, the better to maximize cross-contamination.
Fish carcasses, sitting in a bucket, for days, on your kitchen counter.
Presumably we're supposed to think this is very common.
Which, in fairness, it is.
Well, in areas without any modern sanitation services.
But plenty of cholera.
They do try to gin up at least a little excitement for the program.
A countertop container provides the easiest method for collecting scraps and leftovers.
They have a point. Leaving garbage on your kitchen counter is definitely easier than disposing of it properly.
The County has provided a food scraps collection caddy...
Oh, see, it's not a bucket of rotting food it's a "caddy."
Of rotting food.
Thanks! You shouldn't have. Seriously.
But, just for the sake of argument, what if we don't want to use the caddy?
...but any coffee can or food storage container with a tight-fitting lid can be used as a compost collector.
Good to know that there are a variety of acceptable ways to keep rotting food on your kitchen counter.
What kinds of items will rot successfully on your kitchen counter? They have a catchy saying for that!
If it grows, it goes!
My kid grows.
Just making an observation, no need to contact child services.
Here is the actual bucket we received. This is a real program. They want people to do this.
It even has a perforated lid the better to vent deadly methane gas.
You might want to stock up on the Febreeze. And oxygen.
The county starts you off with a complimentary roll of biodegradable bags.
What do you do when you run out?
You go purchase additional bags you don't want for the bucket you never asked for.
They also give you the option of using brown paper bags. I'm old enough to remember when everyone used to use brown paper grocery bags for garbage.
Like it was yesterday...
For context, I should point out that we already have three barrels to deal with: Black for garbage, blue for recycling, and green for "organics" that up until now was understood to mean yard waste (trimmings, leaves, brush, and the like, but no grass).
I like to recycle: Not so much to save the Earth, I just don't like wasting things.
But now we're being asked to add this "caddy," which we're supposed to line with a bag, and then place the bag in the green cart.
It sounds simple enough, but people are busy and we kind of all already spend a fair amount of energy deciding what piece of trash goes where and since this is something we never asked for or expected, well, you get a lot of this.
Yeah, that's not where the caddy goes. The caddy stays in the house (while the food rots) and the bag of already-rotten food goes in the green cart.
I've seen various versions of this such as the caddy on top of the blue cart, but the one thing I have yet to witness is a bag of actual rotting food in the green cart.
(Yes, I did a spot check, and no it wasn't thorough because I embarrass my family enough without being known as the guy who goes around poking into people's garbage cans.)
There's also the matter of the sanitation issues of placing rotting food in compostable bags (or paper bags as suggested) in your green cart. The county does have "a few tips to help reduce odors, moisture and pests."
How well do you think that's going to go?
Clarendon-based Bright Bins, a recently-launched waste bin cleaning business, is promoting its service as a way to "keep your bins clean and sanitized — and keep the rodents and pests away."
"As opposed to using mild soap and a hose, our high-pressure 180-degree steam process sterilizes and deodorizes your organic bin, safeguarding it from attracting unpleasant visitors and ensuring you don't dread the next time you open it," said co-owner Ryan Miller.
Not to worry, the county has you covered with this "pro tip."
Placing scraps in the freezer can slow the decomposition of food, reduce odors, prevent flies and help compostable bags last longer.
Here's another pro tip that can really help prevent flies:
Don't keep rotting food in your home.
You're welcome.
But sure, I suppose storing your rotting food right next to the food you are trying to prevent from rotting is another way to go.
I'm sure people in this neighborhood will participate, but as blue as Arlington county is, there has been some push back.
Here are some comments from the story published in the local "ARlnow."
I still love the tone deaf recommendation to store this bin on the kitchen counter. Sadly, I don't have a gigantic McMansion kitchen and thus don't have the space for this thing. And I suspect I'm not alone.
She wasn't. There were also observations like this.
The local racoons [sic] knocked on my door last week asking when this composting thing was going to start.
Raccoons are already an issue in this area, no sense making it even easier for them.
People were also repurposing the buckets.
I'm an avid recycler, but this is way off the mark. I'm using it as a cleaning bucket.
Yup. We are using it as a trash can in one of our cars.
Consider it populist "upcycling."
But, there was also some of this.
This is a GREAT idea.
Why, supporters all think it's a great idea!
Great idea!! I may do this.
Why, he "may" do this.
Remember, how you feel about something is every bit as valid as what you actually do about something. That's how putting a BLM sign in your yard is considered sufficient social justice warrioring for most.
All this rotten food will be commercially composted.
I do like the idea of composting where it makes sense. I actually purchased a large black bin designed specifically for composting after I noticed the dark, rich, loam that would naturally form in my gutters on those rare occasions when I didn't clean them often enough (and by rare, I mean always). I even purchased a special mixing tool and followed the instructions carefully including adding special composting enzymes.
The result?
A large black bin full of stuff not composting.
Anyway, composting is fine and all, but Arlington is a fairly urban area and I just don't think there are going to be too many people enthusiastically embracing these kitchen-counter garbage pails specifically designed to ensure maximum rottage of food inside your home.
Maybe we should just throw all the food scraps in our gutters.
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