This week, college students at the nation's top schools have continued protesting in support of the mostly peaceful attack by Hamas on October 7th in Israel. At elite colleges where students learn to ponder the hard questions like "What is a woman?" and "Does 2+2=4?" and "Are Jews really human?" the conflict in Israel and Gaza has proven to be a really good excuse to skip class, sleep in tents, and not wear deodorant in order to protest war just like their grandparents did back in the 60's. Unfortunately, many of these intellectually superior students are starving because DoorDash drivers are having a hard time making deliveries as all the tents look the same in these totally spontaneous non-orchestrated protests. Surprisingly, support for Hamas terrorists is kind of a hard sell with regular people.
But other mostly peaceful stuff happened this week too! Read on for exclusive headlines that you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
- Columbia University Switches To Remote Antisemitism For Rest Of Semester @showquest
- Trump Announces A Road Cone Will Replace Buttigieg As Secretary Of Transportation @disidente_redactico
- Students Return From Protest To Find Their Tents Occupied By Squatters @dontslowtheearth
- Progressive Couple So In Love They Finish Each Other's Protest Chants @kirgol
- Generation Who Can't Tell A Boy From A Girl Remarkably Confident In Israel-Palestine Stance @priehle
- Columbia Students Begin Planning For Invasion Of Poland @drconservativeprof
- California Requires All Self-Immolations To Be Electric By 2030 @neohillbilly
- Biden Says He Would Never Shoot A Dog Even If It Bit Half The Secret Service @twoplus2ischicken
- DOJ Raids Home Of Waitress Who Didn't Draw Smiley Face On Biden's Check @stankystankowicz
- Ironically, It's Believed Young Noah Used To Separate His Animal Crackers Into Pairs Before Eating Them @leecory
- In Unprecedented Move, Judge Takes Witness Stand To Testify Against Trump @realmccoy
- Biden Sends Teleprompter To Debate Trump @bbarton713
- Social Contagion Spreads Despite Students Wearing Keffiyeh Masks @annafillaxis
- NY Court Overturns Harvey Weinstein Conviction, Cites Innocent Until Proven Republican @baberahamlincoln
- Biden Recalls How It Felt Being Picked First In NFL Draft @anythingelse
- Obama: ‘If I Had A Son, He'd Transition To Look Like Ilhan Omar's Daughter' @molivson
- White House Considers Opponent Imprisonment As Campaign Strategy @carolyn1
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
- Incoming Columbia Freshman Disappointed To Be Assigned A Triple Tent @trooper777
- "Antisemitism Is Totally Not Demonic," Says Weird Talking Snake @sirborsdeganys
- Prime Minister Of Papua New Guinea Claims Uncle Got Pooped On While Visiting White House @mcstool
- Gavin Newsom To Abstain From Using Hair Products For One Month In Order To Replenish Strategic Oil Reserve @beavis12345
- Rising Tuition Causing Many Parents To Seek Alternative Methods Of Queer Marxist Antisemitic Indoctrination @shawnfucious
- AOC Looks Up At The Sky And Wonders Which Cloud Has Her Data @johnisadoc
- Drug Lords Clarify They're Not From ‘That' Columbia @alola_rychu
- Mass Casualty Event As Pastor's Mic Still On During Closing Song @jswag
- Harvey Weinstein's Ficus Trees File 'Desperatus Amicus' Brief In Response To His Overturned Conviction @porkyspen
- Confused Biden Signs Intern Named Bill Into Law @neohillbilly
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
- Congress Unites Jewish And Muslim Members, Ironically, With Pork @buzzyboy
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
DoorDash joke from Featured Headline by @dontslowtheearth
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