America held a family meeting July 4th to discuss the precarious situation we are now facing with a struggling elderly president. Families, neighborhoods, and towns large and small across this great land gathered to grill some burgers, wave American flags, shoot off fireworks and discuss President Biden's clear case of sudden onset dementia. As there were no warning signs, this has come as a complete shock to the nation. Thankfully, Hunter Biden has agreed to step in to run the country while Dr. Jill takes over the campaign. As the ballots for Biden are already filled out and ready to mail in, his victory is assured. It will then be safe for him to step down and pass off the nuclear football to Vice President Harris, making her the first DEI president of the United States. Republicans are uncomfortable with this turn of events, however, fearing the Democrats may have shot themselves in the foot — stealing a key play from the RNC playbook. Unsure how to proceed, some are warming up to the idea of a second Trump presidency, while others are still hopeful that won't be necessary. However, that is not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Captain Of The Titanic Claims He Just Had A Bad Night @showquest
KJP Says Wandering Off, Shaking Hands With Ghosts And Shouting Incoherently Are Also Symptoms Of A Cold @disidente_redactico
Pretend Doctor Runs Pretend President @twoplus2ischicken
Biden Says He'll Resign Just As Soon As Pelosi Stops Drinking @drconservativeprof
Wife Earns Certification In Flashlight-Holding @kirgol
Man Who Replied 'Stop2End' To Wife's Text Message Now Getting Angry Phone Calls @dontslowtheearth
Biden Shows Doctor's Note Saying He Is Physically Unable To Step Aside @neohillbilly
Stupidity Polling Higher Than Dementia Among Democrat Donors, Seen As Big Boost To Harris @carolyn1
With SCOTUS Immunity Ruling, Biden Family Scrambles To Commit As Many Crimes As Possible Before Leaving Office @priehle
Top Ukraine Energy Expert, Hunter Biden, Now Advising The President @gfanson
Biden Relieved When Angel Of Death Explains He's Just Here For Biden's Campaign @buzzyboy
Weird: Parade Participants Celebrate July 4th With All Their Clothes On @ruthiej714
Democrats Devise Ice Cream Cone Mouse Trap To Take Biden Out Of The Race @unclecrumpty
Confused Progressive Awaits Clear Direction To Form Opinion On Biden @anythingelse
Feuding Kamala Harris And Jill Biden In Cat Fight Over Who Gains Puppet Master Control Of Senile Joe @dorli
Democrats Ditch The Donkey In Favor Of The Lemming @m4d
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
White House Announces President's Annual Autopsy Scheduled For Wednesday @clipton
Camry Totaled After Door-Ding By Cybertruck @tylermontgomery
Biden Campaign Demands His Mic Be Turned Off For Second Debate @thecatherder
Democrats Make Biden Comfortable While Party Leaders Decide What To Do With Him @mrhugs
Biden Counting On Dementia Crowd To Vote Twice @dontslowtheearth
Scholars Now Believe Nebuchadnezzar Also Got Rid Of The Shag Carpet In His Palace After His Reason Returned To Him @truttle
AP Reports Kamala Harris ‘Smart And Eloquent But Sometimes Stupid And Rambling' @showquest
Nancy Pelosi Refers To Joe Biden As "My Precious" @atomik
Mom Stops To Question Why She's Arguing With Kid Picking His Nose Wearing His Shirt On Backwards @ruthiej714
Mission Team Sent To Evangelize Those Sitting In Church's Balcony @davel
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
DC Police Called To 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue To Evict Squatters @nightrider
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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