A mineral rights deal with Ukrainian President Zelensky was derailed last Friday when President Trump asked him to write down five things he had accomplished in the past week. Zelensky said he would only do it if Trump promised to fund the war against Putin. Vance called Zelensky's bluff, saying "Ok, fine." But then, Zelensky could only think of three things, and he wrote them in Ukrainian so Trump couldn't read it. That lead to a chaotic televised exchange, ending with no mineral rights deal and Trump sending Zelensky back to the Shire empty handed. The other Ukrainian hobbits were sad but are now planning a quest to find the One Ring in Europe somewhere, as they're kinda running out of options. But that's not all that happened this week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Elderly Nursing Patients Killed By Cuomo's Covid Policy Expected To Still Vote For Him @thebigfreeze
Zelensky Asks If He Can Talk To The Old Man That Used To Live Here @twoplus2ischicken
Pete Rose's Family Wins Millions After Betting On A Trump Pardon @dontslowtheearth
Solomon Submits List Of 5 Women He Married Last Week @kirgol
Yo Momma So Fat……..No Wait………That's Michael Moore………Never Mind @njhokie84
Putin Offers To Negotiate Truce Between Trump & Zelenskyy @coachjoeconway
Denny's Adds Egg Surcharge, Also Considering Clean Fork Surcharge @neohillbilly
After Packing Snacks And Phone Charger, Husband Ready For Discomforts Of Child Birth @afnarr
Chicago Mayor Signs Order Making Jive Official Language @drconservativeprof
DOGE Saves America Another 15% By Switching Insurance To GEICO @oldcountryrose
"He's Gone Too Far!" Public Sector Unions Sue Musk For Refusing To Even Consider Taking Bribes @buzzyboy
Cat Emails 5 Accomplishments To Elon @ruthiej714
DOGE Asks Male Federal Employees How Many Children They've Fathered This Year @priehle
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
For Only $7,000,000 A Day You Can Help Feed A Starving And Abandoned Congressional Pet Project @westland619
Father Teaches Son How To Pretend To Fiddle Under Hood As If He Knows What He's Doing @webidtheefarewell
Musk Presents Trump With 200 Bureaucrat Foreskins @tylermontgomery
Paul And Peter Wish They Could've Had Really Cool Lights And Fog Machines When They Were Preaching @kalebnicholson
Dem. Wisconsin Governor Proposes Changing The Term ‘Father' To ‘Natural Spark-God Of The Universe' @m5studios
Deported Rapist Was SOOO Close To Curing Cancer @captainadam
Job Finally Snaps After Hearing, "Go Get A Job, Job," For The Thousandth Time @sdchuck22
Hobbits Disappointed When Zelensky Returns To Shire With Nothing @davel
Cops Called As Couple's Dispute Over Who Loves The Other More Escalates To Physical Violence @leecory
Mary Tells Jesus No More Turning Water Into Wine Until He Turns 21 @dr_madness
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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