President Trump has called up the National Guard to rid Washington DC of criminals, enraging the Democrats as they insist DC does not have enough crime, especially murders. At a press conference called by Democrat leaders, representatives and senators stood together in solidarity singing 'We Shall Overcome' and pledging to do whatever it takes to protect the few brave DC criminals. "Trump is all wrong! We need more murders happening here. Orange man bad!" stated AOC from behind bulletproof glass to thunderous applause from the press dressed in suits of armor. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (title headline by @kirgol)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Dems Demand More Murder In DC @kirgol
Lawmakers Flee DC After Trump Promises To Crack Down On Criminals @dontslowtheearth
Sub Sandwiches In To-Go Bags Now Requiring Concealed Carry License @ruthiej714
AOC Grateful Not To Be The Most Unqualified Person In DC Anymore @drconservativeprof
Ewoks Dance As Trump Liberates D.C. @twoplus2ischicken
Some People Can Run Countries, While Other People Can Only Run Their Mouths @tamerity
Arrested DC Sandwich Hurler Has Been Formally Charged With Assault With A Deli Weapon @njhokie84
Galactic Empire Unveils Death Sandwich @baberahamlincoln
DC Police Chief Pamela Smith Unable To Answer Question "What Is A Criminal?" @coachjoeconway
Flood Damaged Community Describes The Situation As Fluid @gfanson
Putin Surprised By The Number Of Ukrainians Who Live In Alaska @annafillaxis
Female Umpire Has 100 Percent Accuracy After Correcting Statisticians @thebigfreeze
You've Had Enough Sleep - Op Ed By A Baby @middleaged_machinist
Satan Tried To Break Job's Air Conditioner In August But God Stopped Him Because "That Would Go Too Far" @concernedleftist
King David Said To Have The First Man Cave @reckless4life
Attack In DC Proves The Need For Common Sense Sandwich Control @surfduck
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
DC Police Report 30 Year Low In Crime After Unplugging 911 Telephone Line @captainadam
Jimmy Kimmel To Seek Asylum In White European Country With History Of Colonization And Slavery @captainadam
Dad Who Can't Flex Pecs Settles For Talking Belly Button @mrhero
Groom Given Box Of Random Cables To Help Start Life As A Married Man @emotnlsupportpython
DC Judge Boasberg Orders Crime Returned To DC @ruthiej714
Subway Sales Surge With Introduction Of AR-15 Sandwich @yeahsure
Great Day Ruined By Having To Get Out Of Bed @davidjohnson
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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