Now that Christmas is over, millions of elves who spent December sitting on shelves have filed for unemployment. However, one enterprising shelf elf has leveraged his spying expertise to land a job with the FBI. Christopher Wray has high hopes for the elf experiment noting the widespread acceptance of elf spies by the general public. No one knows where he will be assigned, but many believe he has been hired to monitor the Trump White House. We shall see! But that's not all that happened last week...

Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.

Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:

• Local Man Commits To Going On A Diet...But Wait, There's Pie! @drconservativeprof

• Parents Film Documentary To Remind Kids What Toys They Got For Christmas @kirgol

• Liberal Rushed To Emergency Room After Being Wished ‘Merry Christmas' @showquest

• Biden Puts White House Up For Sale @thebigfreeze

• Kids Hope To Score Extra Presents By Setting Out Cookies For Amazon Driver @dontslowtheearth

• Wife Cures Insomnia By Asking How Fantasy Football's Going Right Before Bed @priehle

• Local Atheist Admits He Misses Seeing Beautiful Christmas Nativity Scenes In Public @dorli

• IRS Once Again Wins Mega Millions/Powerball Billion Dollar Lottery @slateslabrock

• Santa Longs For The Days When The "Weird" Elf Only Wanted To Be A Dentist @njhokie84

• "Oh Ye Of Little Faith" Chides Husband Of Wife Holding On For Dear Life @littlejedi

• Lego Releases Pile Of Gray Bricks Gaza Replica Set @coachjoeconway

• NY Gov Hochul Celebrates Safe Subways Near Warm Fire Courtesy Of Guatemalan Immigrant @ruthiej714

• Husband Falls Asleep During Hallmark Movie, Wakes Up During A Different One And Doesn't Notice @baberahamlincoln

• Bill Clinton Opts To Spend Christmas With Hot Young Nurses @carolyn1

• Christmas Pageant Goes Awry As Aiden Recites Christmas Account With Wise Men Using Rudolph To Find Baby Jesus @twoplus2ischicken

• Family Spends Saturday At Local Furniture Store Instead Of Expensive Trampoline Park @annafillaxis

Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:

• Wife Swoons As Husband Stuffs All Wrapping Paper Into A Single Garbage Bag @webidtheefarewell

• San Francisco Walgreens Employee Calls 911 After Suspicious Customer Tries To Pay For Merchandise @tylermontgomery

• Elf On The Shelf Lands Job With FBI @kirgol

• Greater Love Hath No Husband Than To Stay Awake Through A Hallmark Christmas Movie With His Wife @elmer2flp

• Bible Scholars Believe 4th Wiseman Was Ditched In Jerusalem For Bringing Hickory Farms Sausage And Cheese Gift @dougwag

• Man Blinks SOS To Fellow Husbands After Hour 4 At Hobby Lobby With Wife @leecory

• During Sermon Local Woman Organizes Her Receipts, Cow Bells, Broken Glass, Tambourine, Buckets Of Bolts, Cellophane, Accordion, And Bread Pans In Her Purse @milofarmer1

• Father Who Was Gifted Necktie In The Wrong Color Exchanges It For The Legend Of Zelda: Echoes Of Wisdom @lpathehuman

BONUS - Three randomly selected headlines:

• California Completes Vote Count Just In Time To Announce Jimmy Carter Lost The 1979 California Presidential Race @funguy

• Brigade Of Armed National Guardsmen Happen To Accompany Kathy Hochul On Boastful March Through 'ULTRA-SAFE' NYC Subway @byhisgrace

• TV Viewer Enjoying Lull Between Medicare Supplement Commercials And The Start Of Weight Loss Ads @doryzinkand

Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!

Title headline by subscriber @kirgol

Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico

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