The news last week of migrants eating ducks, geese, and even pets in the formerly sleepy midwestern town of Springfield, Ohio, shocked the meme world, completely stealing the show from Kamala Harris' impressive debate win with no help whatsoever from the ABC moderators. Thanks to former President Trump, the plight of Springfield's cats was finally getting the attention it deserved, when out of the blue another caring gun control advocate tried to shoot him. A look back at the Bee Forum top headlines of the week, however, has preserved the most important news for you from before the 24/7 news cycle moved on as it often does so quickly when a gun tries to kill a former president. So if current events of last week are kind of fuzzy for you now, as they are for me, we have all the best news preserved just for you!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
God Warns Noah Not To Bring Haitians On The Ark @dontslowtheearth
Ohio Dad Tells Kids Not To Name The New Cat @kirgol
Good News! Springfield Ohio Humane Society Reports All Their Pets Have Been Adopted @thebigfreeze
Well, That's The Last Time The Furry Convention Will Be Held In Springfield @drconservativeprof
Police Once Again Guilty Of Oppressing People Who Speed Recklessly And Fight With Them @showquest
Harris Makes Fun Of People Leaving Trump Rally Early Just Because Someone Was Shooting At Them @disidente_redactico
ABC Fact-Checkers Replace Snopes As Trusted Source Of Fake News @hamnetwall55
Ohio Town Cancels Performance Of Swan Lake Over Safety Concerns @gfanson
Silly Husband Thinks Wife's Story Will Magically End If He Starts To Walk Away @aussiemama
Local Man Struggles To Resist Taylor Swift's Mind Control "Must…Not…Vote…Kamala" @littlejedi
In First Interview Since Debate Kamala Finds Herself Burdened With What Has Been @priehle
Harris Visited Overnight By The Ghost Of Debates Past @realmccoy
Bugs Bunny And Daffy Duck Distract Haitian Migrants With Argument Over Which Season It Is @fishythepenguin
"Diversity Is Not Strength" Says Husband Looking For Matching Tupperware @webidtheefarewell
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Kamala: To Reimagine The Border Crisis Just Imagine A Border Without A Crisis @nightrider
Samaritan Woman Asks Jesus Where She Can Find The Living Pumpkin Spice Latte That Never Runs Out @skol
‘Absolute BANGER' Says Beethoven Upon Finishing 5th Symphony @jswag
Local Idiot Prays For Humility Again @garebare48
In A Bid To Secure The Haitian Vote, Kamala Hacks Up A Hairball @aussiemama
House Hunters OPEN BORDERS EDITION Features Armed Migrants Searching For New Home @bushbaby
Complaints Rise After 20,000 Ohioans Move To Haiti Making It Clean And Nice @jswag
Trump Agrees To Another Debate If The Moderators' Mikes Are Muted @toejamfootball
WORTH IT: Man Risks Entire Livelihood To Hit Snooze Just One More Time @afnarr
Church Experiences Unfortunate Schism After Pastor Steve Attempts Preaching In Last Year's Skinny Jeans @webidtheefarewell
Superman Infiltrates Legion Of Doom Just By Wearing Manbun In New Documentary Film 'Am I A Villain?' @snackplissken
Walz Says Kamala's Prostitutor Skills Give Her A Unique Ability To Sway World Leaders @priehle
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
North Korean Media Says ABC Debate Moderators' Bias Was 'A Little Much' @mrhugs
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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