Just as the world's five-minute attention span was getting back to Olympic sports, like in the good ol' days, the trans issue hit us in the face again as male boxers dominated in female boxing. The head of the Olympic Committee expertly quelled the commotion by telling women to "calm down." On this side of the pond, the crazy cat ladies have found themselves strangely attracted to J. D. Vance, saying they finally "feel seen." Will this be enough to put the Trump/Vance ticket over the top? We shall see. And in a last attempt to save democracy, Biden has announced he will fundamentally change the Supreme Court and rewrite the Constitution to usher in a glorious giant leap forward for the proletariat on his way out the door. Kamala needs a little help getting things off the ground, after all, as she is just a woman, and a lot of people find her a tad weird. But that's not all that happened last week!

Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.

Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:

• ‘Take Me With You!' Exclaims Cat As JD Vance Walks By @disidente_redactico

• Wife Finds Awesome New Vase At Thrift Store That She Donated Last Week @kirgol

• White Women For Harris Zoom Call On It's 4th Day After Each Attendee Allowed To Introduce Their Cats @dontslowtheearth

• Geezer Too Senile To Stand Trial Now To Redefine Supreme Court @ponysoldier

• Bible Trivia Contestant Wins By Answering Every Question With "Jesus" @twoplus2ischicken

• Americans Could Really Go For Some Precedented Times Right About Now @baberahamlincoln

• Biden Announces Plan To Repeal The Constitution @yantelope

• Jussie Smollet Warns DNC Not To Hold Convention In Heart Of MAGA Country @gfanson

• Kamala's Poll Numbers Drop After Journalists Trick Her Into Speaking @showquest

• Leftist Radicals Protest All The Sports Interrupting Their Olympic Platform @ruthiej714

• DNC Software Team Names Dave Programmer Of The Month For Getting Media To Call Republicans "Weird" In Unison @stankystankowicz

• "You Mean The Democrats Are The Normal Ones? Weird" Op Ed By Frank T. Rutherford @drconservativeprof

• Biden Awakens From Nap Just Long Enough To Reform Supreme Court @priehle

• Mayor Of Sodom And Gomorrah Distances Self From Harris Campaign @carolyn1

• Party Which Promotes Naked Men Reading To Children Thinks JD Vance Is Pretty Weird @millennialsandwich

• Local Teenage Male Confirms That Nunchucks Are Responsible For 98% More Self Knockouts Than Any Other Weapon @slateslabrock

Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:

• Olympic Closing Ceremonies To Feature Gay Jews Frolicking In Auschwitz @ballbounces

• Report: Only A Rigged Election Can Save Democracy @hamnetwall55

• Pharisees Report This Nazarene Guy Is Pretty Weird @niceguy79

• Cat Lady Sticks Pin In Hillbilly Effigy @optimus_bardlederp

• Woke Evangelical Leaders Proclaim All Criticism Against Them Is 'Wicked, Tricksy, Nasty, False!' @skullcrazes

• Leftists Think JD Vance Is Weird - We Asked His Collection Of Realistic Garden Gnomes Why @alola_rychu

• Report: Adding Insult To Injury, Satan Told Eve Her Fig Leaf Made Her Look Fat @elmer2flp

• Triathlete Emerges From Seine River With New Third Arm @slinky

• Stranded Astronauts Ask Elon Musk If He's Doing Anything This Weekend Or If Maybe He'd Like To Stop By @skullcrazes

• Genius Kid Grabs Cookie While Hugging Mom @beehappy2

• To Eliminate Dudes From Women's Sports, Olympics To Add Gift Wrapping Test @gee53

@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:

• Archaeologists Unearth Dirty Dish From 20 BC That Was Just "Soaking"@totallythefbi

Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!

Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico

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