After a slight uptick in insanity with the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump, a worldwide computer outage, and the ouster of President Biden after a coup within the Democratic Party, the world has quickly returned to normal levels of insanity. Last week, the Olympic Committee could have further shocked the world with a celebration of goodness and truth, but instead chose the safer route of celebrating debauchery to the great relief of all who tuned in to the Opening Ceremony. Kamala Harris kicked off her co-presidency and campaign with a rally attended by a record-breaking 3,000 fans, proving the coup a huge success. And, the thankfully still alive President Trump assured a stadium full of sympathizers that if they voted for him, they would never have to vote again. While a little excitement is good every once in a while, it is a relief that things have so quickly gotten back to normal. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Democrats Release The Cacklen @ruthiej714
Wife's Back From The Home Show And She's Got Ideas! @kirgol
White House Staff Computers Keep Getting ‘President Not Ejected Properly' Errors @gfanson
Benjamin Netanyahu To Meet With Cardboard Cutout Of Biden At White House @thebigfreeze
Secret Service Chief Unable To Define What A Threat Is @dontslowtheearth
Biden Presidential Library To Hold The World's Largest Collection Of Scratch And Sniff Books @fishythepenguin
Roughhousing Boys Play 'King Of The Slanted Roof' @hailgeezer
Mattel Scraps Plans For "Secret Service Agent Barbie" @neohillbilly
New Monopoly Game Lets You Sleep In Your Car While Migrants Stay In The Hotel You Paid For @disidente_redactico
Secret Service Says Only Way To Protect Trump Is For Him To Avoid Running For President @showquest
Dog Files Abuse Charges After Owner's Unexpected Sneeze @stankystankowicz
Peanuts Cartoons Given Content Warning For Depiction Of Sloped Roof @baberahamlincoln
Local Man's Commute Was Totally Awful Until 'My Sharona' Played On The Radio @drconservativeprof
Biden Drops Out After Polls Fall Below The Point Of Reasonable Fraud @yantelope
Aaron Tells Moses They're Not Worshipping Golden Calf, It's The Opening Ceremony To The Olympics @twoplus2ischicken
Jealous Of Shark Week, Atlantic Whale Capsizes NH Fishing Boat @babylonandonanon
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Kamala To Maintain Biden's Agenda With Plan To Get Rich, Ruin Country @buzzyboy
Dems Blame Party Turmoil On Trump Surviving Assassination @priehle
Local Baptist Couple Insists New Dog Is A Shoot-zu @batknight
Comic Book Fans Excited To See Billionaire Face Off With Cackling Lunatic @theraider
Democrats Unveil Project 2024 Plan Where No One Gets To Vote @skullcrazes
Scientists Discover Direct Correlation Between Length Of Mullet And Lift On Truck @webidtheefarewell
Media Denies Kamala Was VP During Disastrous Biden Administration @franky_t
Musk Claims He Only Pledged $45 Million Per Month Trying To Make WinRed Texts Stop @tylermontgomery
Harris Asks Staff If She Can Also Win The General Election Without Anyone Voting For Her @rehovallenby
New SMART TV Will Not Display CNN Or MSNBC @toejamfootball
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Kamala Harris Unveils New Slogan: What Can Be, Unburdened By The Election Process @jazzaloupe
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
