Talk about warp speed!
Facing a deadly pandemic when every second counts, it took the federal government only two years to create... a website.
Well, not just a web site, but Covid.gov, a "one-stop shop" with links and things, so, you know, kind of fancy.
Okay, so it's basically Google for the Covid-obsessed – the people who still wear their masks alone in their cars and spray down their Instacart deliveries with bleach.
I excitedly entered my county to to get my promised government-provided community guidance.
Good news! We are at a "Low Covid-19 Community Level," which I have to admit, I did not know (but only because I've been very busy not caring).
Of the available entries, this is easily my favorite:
Really? I can choose to wear a mask at any time? You mean, like a free citizen of a constitutional republic founded to preserve individual liberty?
I guess that means I can choose to not wear a mask as well?
Oh, right.
The provided links all take you to preexisting CDC pages, so if their intent was to build a link farm, I score this as a big win.
The rest of the site is basically more hyperlinks to existing pages, things you could have found anyway skipping Covid.gov and just using a competent search engine.
But the Administration seemed pretty excited about it, so let's take a look at their release.
Today, the Biden Administration is launching COVID.gov, a new one-stop shop website to help all people in the United States gain even better access to lifesaving tools like vaccines, tests, treatments, and masks, as well as get the latest updates on COVID-19 in their area.
There are two things this announcement emphasizes. The first is the word, "life-saving." Or "lifesaving."
Apparently they couldn't settle on one spelling, so a compromise of sorts was reached providing the passionate pro-hyphen Dictionary.com faction prominent positioning while compensating the equally dedicated anti-hyphen Merriam-Webster crowd with a higher number of mentions.
In order of appearance:
- life-saving protections
- lifesaving tools
- life-saving antivirals
- lifesaving tools
- lifesaving drugs
- lifesaving treatments
- lifesaving treatments
Clearly, "lifesaving" and, um, "life-saving" polled really well. Can you imagine the first draft of this thing?
Today, the life-saving Biden Administration is launching lifesaving COVID.gov, a new life-saving one-stop shop lifesaving website to help all people...
Maybe it's an SEO thing.
The other emphasis is on an approach I must have missed earlier, the "test-to-treat program."
In this eleven-paragraph release, the term, "test-to-treat" is mentioned 16 times.
I went back to Covid.gov to check this out for myself. It's part of the "Covid-19 Toolkit."
The Test-to-Treat program is one easy way to get treatment. Test-to-Treat locations will give you a test and treatment.
"Test-to-treat?" You mean, you first diagnose an illness and then prescribe an appropriate course of action?
How did they come up with a groundbreaking innovation like that?
I plugged in a random northern Virginia zip code, and this was representative of the returns:
There were a handful of medical facilities included, but basically if you're wondering where-oh-where will you ever find a test-to-treat center, either drive a few blocks, or follow the first senior citizen you see.
(Pro-tip: When the turn signal goes on, you're no more than three miles away.)
In case you were wondering, the rest of Covid.gov consists of more CDC links.
In fairness, the Administration did advertise this as a clearing house of information, and in that sense it can be considered a useful resource.
In 2020.
In 2022?
It's like the guy who shows up late for a cookout with the ketchup and mustard and you're already eating s'mores.
While Covid is still around, it will always be around, like many other potentially deadly pathogens we've learned to live with.
Look, guys, I know it's hard to step out of the limelight, and I'm sure you're all sincere, but... sorry, we've moved on.
Seriously, stop.
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