I can see it now: Biden being trotted out several weeks into the crisis, near-invisible strings dragging his semi-conscious body to a podium. The man turns to the cameras, his feeble eyes struggling to read the 300 point font on the teleprompter two feet away.
"Folks, we need to get to the bottom of what is causing this new crisis," he says, trying to procure a tear from tear ducts that stopped working sometime in Michael Jackson's prime.
As he mumbles, there will be bravado in spades. We, he says, will overcome this dire crisis in America. After a brief explanation of why he'll need more money and power to get the job done, he'll look at his notecard that says "YOU exit the room," then reiterate how amazing he is before setting out on a perilous 20-foot quest to the nearest door.
And what is this dire emergency that requires even more emergency declarations of emergency powers reserved for the most emergent of emergencies??
The Biden administration on Thursday declared monkeypox a public health emergency, with cases on the rise across the US.
The announcement came during a briefing with the Department of Health and Human Services.
The administration has been criticized at times for its handling of the outbreak, and some have called on the government to declare a national emergency without delay.
Yes, this is a very serious emergency. After all, the clown squad at CNN that wrote this article wants us to know that ANYONE can get the dreaded virus!
Monkeypox can infect anyone...
I sense a "BUT" coming.
THERE IT IS!
...the majority of cases in the US outbreak have been among men who have sex with men, including gay and bisexual men and people who identify as transgender.
Oh goodness! You mean this virus is tracking exclusively with an unnatural sexual activity and the individuals who decide to partake fully of wanton hedonism in practicing that activity promiscuously?
Pray tell, CNN, how does monkeypox spread?
Close contact with an infected individual is required for the spread of the monkeypox virus, experts say.
Can you be more specific?
Anyway, this "national" "emergency" is one that is sure to grip all our lives. Stay inside. Shut grandma up in the nursing home. Lock the kids out of school. Cordon off the garden section at Walmart.
IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMETHING THE WHITE HOUSE COULD TELL PEOPLE TO DO TO STOP SPREADING THIS DISEASE!
P.S. Now check out our latest video: "Highlights from Biden's speech last night" 👇