Revenge of the Free Market: After one year, Disney is shuttering its boring $6,000-per-stay Star Wars hotel
· May 19, 2023 ·

Picture your perfect vacation. Go on, just lean back and picture it. Close your eyes. Allow yourself to dream.

Okay now open your eyes. Did your dream vacation sound anything like "hugely expensive, second-rate claustrophobic hotel where you have to engage with awkward Star Wars fanboys without any of the charm of classic Star Wars?"

Yeah, it didn't sound like that to anyone else, either:

Walt Disney World is closing down Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, one of its newest and splashiest attractions, at the end of September, the resort announced Thursday...

When CNN asked Disney why the attraction was closing, a spokesperson said it was "a business decision" and did not elaborate. As for the fate of the building housing the futuristic experience, Disney had "nothing to share at this time."

A "business decision." I'll bet! I guess Disney was tired of setting piles of cash on fire every time it opened this place up.

I tried to warn them back in March 2022 when I told them this was a stupid idea and nobody wanted anything to do with their new characters:

Seriously, it was a horrible idea from start to finish, for a large number of really important reasons:

It was too expensive.

Just too stinking expensive. Up to $6,000 per person per stay. That's nuts. Take you and your Star Wars-obsessed young son and you'll be plunking down maybe around a year's worth of mortgage payments (depending on the market you live in).

It was too awkward.

The whole thing was painfully clumsy and embarrassing. Remember how, when you were a young kid, you might play a Star Wars game in your front yard — maybe pretend to be Luke Skywalker, or Han Solo — and you'd really get into it, and then you'd stop and look around nervously in case someone saw you doing a silly make-believe game? That's what the Star Wars hotel was like. Except there was no way out. You were stuck being embarrassed for 48 hours.

It was fake.

Here's a sad fact that we all have to learn sooner or later: Star Wars isn't real. It's a fake fantasy series created by filmmakers and studio executives. The original movies are very good, they're fun, they have meaningful lessons, they're a valuable part of our cinematic and literary tradition. We need stories like these, but they have to feel real in spite of not being real. A good story, like non-Disney Star Wars, is able to truly immerse people in a galaxy, far, far away for a short time, but Disney decided to kill Star Wars by going woke. Most of the avid fans have stopped paying attention.

It was too Disney.

Even if you can swallow your pride, your discomfort, and the five-figure price tag, you still couldn't get past how Disney-fied the whole thing really was. Star Wars began as a pretty normal space opera series. The world it depicted was at turns gritty, beautiful, grim, hopeful; above all it was fairly realistic, a convincing depiction of another civilization in another galaxy. Disney's Star Wars hotel, on the other hand, just looks like, well, Disney. It's too clean, too scrubbed, too perfect, too well-lit. It just looks like everything else you might see on Disney+. Whatever Star Wars is, it's not this.

We also warned Disney about this in our coverage of this spectacular fail that we knew was doomed from the start:

Even though the hotel was a complete failure, Disney is not openly admitting defeat:

"This premium, boutique experience gave us the opportunity to try new things on a smaller scale of 100 rooms, and as we prepare for its final voyage, we will take what we've learned to create future experiences that can reach more of our guests and fans."

The rest of us, sitting over here and watching as Disney's lame Star Wars gambit crashes and burns:

Best of luck on your "future experiences," Disney!

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