Mainstream news has been dominated this week by the unexpected results of Super Tuesday giving us a dream match-up once again of Predecessor Trump vs. Incumbent Biden followed by the unifying and mostly peaceful State of the Union Address. You may think you have heard all you need to hear about the events of the week from our news overlords at CNN and the Washington Post, but you would be wrong. Never fear! We are here with an exhaustive, inclusive, and affirming list of important headlines you may have missed. All week long, Babylon Bee subscribers have been posting astonishing news on our Headline Forum and diligently upvoting the most interesting headlines to share with the outside world. Enjoy!
Top Headlines of the Week - a selection of headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
- McDonald's Brings Back McRib For Women's History Month @anythingelse
- University Of Florida Airdrops DEI Staff Over Gaza @pure_teej
- Biden Delivers First SOTU Address In All Caps @gfanson
- Supreme Court Decision Overturned After WH Finds 10 Mail-In Votes @dontslowtheearth
- Conservative Men Celebrate International Women's Day By Offering To Open Pickle Jars For Them @drconservativeprof
- Wife's Back From Her Woman's Retreat And She's Got Sandwiches! @kirgol
- Colorado Agrees To Put Trump On Ballot But Only In Gray 6-Point Helvetica Light Font @showquest
- Hillary Says Nikki Haley Should Remain In Race In Case Trump Commits Suicide @disidente_redactico
- Dems Openly Stealing Election Insist They Didn't Steal The Last Election @Priehle
- Biden Invites Hamas To Ice Cream And Drag Queen Summit To Convince Them To Sign Cease-Fire Agreement @stankystankowicz
- Foolish Fool Put His Snow Shovels Away In The First Week Of March @fishythepenguin
- Husband Unprepared For Wife's Two Hour Speech On The State Of Their Union @unclecrumpty
- Confused Angry Old Man Up Past His Bedtime @annafillaxis
A few more of my favorites of the week:
- Pentagon Expands Boot Camps To Include Low Heel Camp, Classic Pump Camp, And Open-Toed Sandal Camp @showquest
- Kangaroos Hoping 30 Year Old Son Will Finally Move Out Of Pouch @davel
- Keith Olbermann Revealed To Be Three Rabid Raccoons Wearing A Trench Coat With A Bad Toupee @drconservativeprof
- Polls Show Right Wing Extremist Fringe Still The Majority @timberlakeshore
- Facebook Platform Temporarily Suspended During Integration With Dominion Voting Systems @realmccoy
- Republicans Are Wildly Overstating Immigrant Violence Says Tail Gunner On Bakery Truck @carlcamera
- Haley Announces End Of Campaign During Latest Victory Speech @anythingelse
- Job's Suffering Reaches Its Zenith While Watching SOTU Address @leecory
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
- Haley Insider: 'She Felt A Great Disturbance In The Race...As If Millions Of Voters Suddenly Cried Out In Furor And She Was Suddenly Silenced' @rtommould
Do you have breaking news that needs reported? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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